nightmare

the toxic nightmare
the dream that traps you
into believing you’re awake
that lets you live your fantasy
for just long enough
to taste heaven
but not long enough
to be satiated
before you are wretched
back into reality
by a chiding laugh
laced with criticism
for being so gullible
as to believe
you deserve
happiness
let alone a beautiful dream

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

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how am i, really?

how am i really?

do you mean in general
or in the moment of response?

that brief moment
when we must somehow summarise
contrasting the darkness of the shadow
against the brilliance of the light
with just one word

i’m ‘good’
you?

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

tsunami

i see a tsunami approaching
and i know
if i start drowning
you will help
you will pull me out of the water

at the last moment
you will save me

but i am so terrified
of getting wet
that i am frozen in place
and thus
i can’t build the shelter
to weather the wave
or find the strength
to run
to higher ground

so i’m forced to wait
as my doom gets closer
praying that the
promised help
does indeed come
before i pre-emptively give up

because waiting
for the wave
is no way to live
and surviving it
just to see another
isn’t either

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

sertraline

medication?
more like calcification

the myopic solution
replacing anxiety
with apathy

losing focus
focusing
on what i have lost

my thoughts
circle the drain
both hope and fear
falling in turn

i am lost

a rudderless raft
left to drift
upon a dead calm lake

fog obscures the bank
fog obscures desire

i am far too calm
to stay safe
life and death
seem equally desirable

i drift

cold rationality
the last remaining
life preserver

the small subtle voice
whispering
that this too shall pass
the sun will shine
the wind will blow
and i will have purpose once more

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

a sentence without grammar

i feel like a sentence
without grammar

perfectly legible
yet nonetheless
fundamentally lacking
something
everyone else seems
to have

i feel like a poem
that lacks a rhyme

capable
of functioning
to a high degree
yet nevertheless
unappealing
to the masses

i feel like a story
that was left unfinished

interesting
but ultimately…

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

music of the ever present moment

a single blade of grass
dances in the wind
to the beat
of the ever-present moment

i sit
and listen
to the song
until nothing
but the song
remains

wind rustling
traffic rumbling
heart beating
dogs barking
birds chirping
people talking
brain thinking
eyes blinking
body breathing
mind perceiving

just sitting
just watching
just listening

just being
here
just being
now
just…

now
now
now
now
now
now
now

a wisp of smoke rising
more substantial
than rock

the knowing
the knower
and the known
are one
all labels fall away
i never was
yet
it always is
there is nothing
but the music of the ever-present moment
there is nothing
but now

freedom from form
freedom from i
spy the lie the moment i die
what’s left but now?
no one to wonder why
listen closely to the sigh
of the inner eye
as it fails to find the individual i
oh my!
don’t cry
this is all there ever was my guy
awaken
the dream is over
there is no one there to be shy
and nothing to deny
you never existed
it was all a beautiful lie
a cosmic joke
played by the eternal i
testify to the truth that words can only imply
there is nothing but now to clarify

---

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This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

maybe

maybe i’m not shy
or introverted
or defective
or broken
or any of the other put downs
my mind likes to offer up

maybe
just maybe
i am exactly who i needed to be
to survive

cautious
careful
considerate

maybe i learnt
to look before i leap
to consider all possibilities
to be sure before allowing myself to relax

maybe that negative voice
only speaks of the version of me
that has his guard up

maybe
just maybe
if you get to know me
if you wait long enough
if you earn my trust

maybe then
i’ll let you in

maybe then
you will see
who i really am

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

monkey mind

monkey mind
a brain confined
trapped by the past
by conditioning
by words left unsaid
by a childhood unseen
by what could have been

don’t you see
little monkey
you are free

just let go
just move
just step to the side

because though your cage
seems all encompassing
it is just an illusion
one that can be broken

by you
connecting with others

by you
in harmony
with a group
holding space
holding your body
guiding you
to break the cage
you confined yourself to

way back when
you needed such protection
just to survive

but now dear monkey
it’s time to thrive
you are safe
and free
if you choose yourself to be

---

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This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

excessive thinking

i replaced
drinking
with excessive
thinking

the hangover
is worse
thoughts
form a curse

no longer
dumb
no longer
numb

swallow burn
shame
write ink
pain

bottles
emptied of sin
notepads
fill the bin

addicted
to stress
addicted
nonetheless

the bar
is locked
my writing
is blocked

my 12-step
process
is journaling
this nonsense

just these few
lines
stress and whiskey
rhymes 

should i have
another?
write on
my brother!

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

i float

the vastness of the ocean
has been replaced
by the safety of a kiddy pool

i float
under a lifeguards watchful gaze
passively accepting
the artificiality of my confines
only vaguely aware
of a time
not long ago
when I could look upon the horizon
and feel the sun upon my skin

memories
of riding atop the waves
both terrified and exhilarated
by nature’s limitless beauty
have been replaced
by the scent of chlorine
penetrating my nose
and irritating my eyes

but I don’t care
i am lulled by the warmth of the water
and comforted by the knowledge
that soon
i will forget
the taste of salt water
and the thrill of that first plunge
into the depth
of the ocean’s
infinite embrace

---

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This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

fear

why’d i give up
so much of myself
out of fear
of my own
blossoming
greatness?

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

broken pottery

there are parts of me
that want to speak
but i know that i can’t think
that doesn’t feel right
i don’t know
can i have another bite?

it’s funny

when i was young
i would sacrifice my meal
i had a little serving
and my brother was there
and he was looking
so i gave it to him
leaving me with nothing

but now i’m still holding that nothing
a plate of nothingness
while my brother’s got everything

i see him there
i see him holding
i see him consuming
my mother’s attention
my mother’s love
the part of her that i wanted
into his cup that’s overflowing
my cups empty
my cups broken
but then i look over and see his cup
and his cups open
it’s porous
it’s flowing
and i’m like maybe i could bring my cup and his cup and place them together

healing
uniting
connecting

but that requires more of me
more of he
more of we
together
but our past pulled us apart
so maybe to fill that cup
i express myself with this art
and i see the art in him
and he sees the art in me
but maybe there’s a togetherness of space where we can be free
be together and be free
two pieces of broken pottery

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

i find myself

i find myself
standing in a river
hands outstretched
struggling
in a futile attempt
to hold back the flow

fretting
over all the water
slipping through my fingers
and the erosion underfoot
threatening to dislodge
my fragile defiance

then

a bird call
a gust of wind
a glimpse of sunshine

a moment of surrender

i let go
and just float
trusting the river
to take me
wherever
i need to be

---

Watch this poem on YouTube

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

apathy

there is something
uniquely terrifying
about watching your emotions
dissipate before your eyes

witnessing the fear
of your fear falling away
itself fall away
into the abyss of apathy

leaving nothing
but a gentle malaise
and a question
you don’t care enough to answer

is it worse
to feel pain
or to not feel anything
at all?

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Let’s Pledge To Repair

I know you care
And that you’ll always be there
But our intimacy?
It’s threadbare
Our bodies are no longer aware of the softness we would once share
It’s unfair
That the first thing to go was caress of one another’s hair
And the impromptu hugs that came from anywhere
No one is to blame
We just became distracted by stress’s snare
And focused on our children’s welfare
I know it’s wrong to compare
But I know we both miss the fanfare
The tender words that would soothe any nightmare
The love we would declare
And the time we would spare
So please
Take my hands
Let’s pledge to repair
To once again become a pair
To take time together no matter where
And no matter what events snare
Let’s swear
To take time daily and simply stare
Into each other’s eyes
Into each others hearts
To see each other bare
Let’s choose to share the same air
To take those gestures now rare
And gift them everywhere
To help each other up the stairs
To listen to the despair
To sit together in prayer
To love
And to be aware
Does that sound fair?

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

On The Field Of Failure

Black crows gather
On the field
Of failure

Iron rusts
On the field
Of failure

Blood stains the grass
On the field
Of failure

Orphans are made
On the field
Of failure

Nothing changes
On the field
Of failure

---

This poem is from the book, ‘A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken’.

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Stupefied

I sit
Stupefied
Seeking solace
From shame

The silence
Is no longer safe
Secrets seep
From the shadow

Slowly I find myself
Surrounded
My sanity siphoned
Into stillness

---

This poem is from the book, ‘A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Why Do I Flee?

I rush off
Like I’ve got somewhere to be
Something to do
Or someone to see

But that’s a lie
Cause the reality is it’s just gonna be me
Scared and alone and devoid of esprit
Asking the same questions repeatedly
‘Why do I end conversations so quickly?
And why do I flee
When all that I crave is company?’

Daily
I attempt to reconcile this hypocrisy
But the internal enquiry
Just yields me a dark prophecy
It states with nihilistic glee that
‘Happiness is impossible to guarantee’

Oh well
At least my family
Can use this poetry on my obituary

So if you’re reading this
Please ignore the depravity
The dead should be looked upon positively
Their transgressions forgotten to the pasts obscurity

I’m left wondering if this pain a function of my pedigree
If it was meant to be
Or if I brought it upon me
Cursed by fate and my family tree
Or by god and a world that rewards functionality
And profit derived from cruelty
Take what you can and fuck all that disagree
Prosperity if your right as long as you are free
As long as you agree

I’m so angry
And tired
And disproportionately craving insobriety
The only thing keeping me here is my children’s plea
Daddy won’t you come play with me?

---

This poem is from the book, ‘A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Empty

Sitting
In the sun
In an empty field
My head
Too heavy to hold

I numbly
Weep
For the life
I was too afraid
To live

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.