How To Help Someone Who Is Being Triggered And Opening Up About Their Trauma | Ep 260

 
How To Help Someone Who Is Being Triggered And Opening Up About Their Trauma

Here is what to do when someone is being triggered and opening up about their trauma - or at least what works for me:

1: Make Sure They Are Safe
- out of danger to and from themself and to and from others/the environment.

2: Make Sure You Are Safe - physically, emotionally and spiritually available, capable and able to helping the person without being overwhelmed or triggered, or at least only to an acceptable level.

3: Ground Them In The Present Moment
- this will help stop them from being triggered, get them to focus on what they can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. Help them to slow down the breathing and heart rate and get them what they need: food, water, clothing, comfort items, medication, shelter etc.

4: Practice Unconditional Positive Regard - Hold space for their truth, even if it doesn’t makes sense to you, or seems objectively ‘incorrect’, in that moment, it is their truth. Be a loving and accepting mirror. Their feelings are their feelings in that moment. And realise that if they’re triggered, they are quite literally biochemically structurally back in that past trauma.

5: Listen & Offer
- Hear them out and if appropriate and only if you are willing, offer what you can do to help.

6: End With A Promise
- have them promise that they will reach out to you (or someone specific) if they are at risk or if the triggers and flashbacks return.

7: Follow Up
- Tell them that you are going to follow up and do so. This shows you care and are extending the care into the future, reinforcing their promise.

8: Self Care
- Practice self care and ensure your own ongoing physical, psychological, and spiritual safety and wellbeing.

Read next:
- Blackness - Chapter from Under The Influence
- Guard Your Mental State At All Costs - Blog
- Create A Crisis Plan - It May Save Your Life
- Poetry From A Dark Night Of The Soul - Book

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My Annual F*ck Christmas Podcast Episode | Ep 259

 

It’s time once again for my annual Fuck Christmas podcast.

For some, the festive season is the opposite of fun - full of triggers and trauma and overwhelm and the forced obligation to spend time with the people and in places that caused you the most pain.

It is a time when substance abuse, self harm and suicide significantly rise.

It is a time we’re loneliness amplified and that all two familiar mask must be put back on in order to save face, and ultimately to save yourself.

In this episode, I talk about the importance of saying no when you need to, and yes when you want to.

I share a depth of the impact of my own trauma, and aspects that come with healing - particularly around Christmas. I share a story of attempting to explain my past and my pain - only to have it thrown back at myself as I was victim blamed, and thus no longer feeling safe around that person - which is brought up once again at this time of year.

This is not an easy episode, and I want to give a massive trigger warning.

But if you’ve read this far, and if you follow me, the episode will probably bring some solace or at least will help you to not feel so alone with the darkness this seems to get amplified by Santa’s sleigh.

- Blackness - Chapter from Under The Influence
- Guard Your Mental State At All Costs - Blog
- Poetry From A Dark Night Of The Soul - Book

Want to work with me? Click here.

Click play below to listen:

Or via: iTunes, Spotify, & Amazon

 

Overcoming Poverty Mindset | Ep 258

 
Overcoming Poverty Mindset, Episode 258 of Reality Check Podcast

Tendrils of the past manifest in the present and will continue to impact you into the future unless you take action.

In this episode I discus the process of to identify and overcoming poverty mindset and other limiting beliefs.

Sharing the story of moving out of home at 16, surviving of charity and government handouts, to thriving both personally and financially, whilst being able to ask for and offer products and services at rates that back then I could never have imagined possible.

- Free Shadow Work Journal PDF
- How To Get Your Sh!t Together
- Coaching, Mentoring, & Intuitive Guidance
- Immersion Intensive

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Anger Turned Inwards | Ep 257

 
anger turned inwards, reality check podcast episode 257, angel crying

Anger is a useful inner tool to keep us safe and living a life of purpose - only if it is embraced as an ally not a danger.

Unfortunately, for some, our childhoods cause us to fear our own anger - rather than using to utilise it appropriately, we instead repress it and turn it inwards, with catastrophic consequences.

In this episode I share how I have been afraid of my anger and how I am learning to reconnect and integrate it.

- Free Shadow Work Journal PDF
- Hunt Your Own Shadow - 12 Week Self-Paced Course
- Curious about coaching? Book a session.

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How To Break The Cycle | Ep 256

 

Are we doomed to repeat our past? To inflict upon our children what was inflicted upon us? If we are a product of our genetics intersecting with our environment, how can we break the cycle once and for all?

In this episode I story of my past and why that has led me to give away all 17 of my books for free.

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Curious about coaching? Book a session!

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What I Learnt On A 10 Day Silent Retreat | Ep 255

 
a man looking into the distance alone on a beach with the words What I Learnt On A 10 Day Silent Retreat | Ep 255

No talking. No writing. No touching. Just 10+ hours a day meditating for 10 days straight…

In this episode I share my experiences on a 10 day silent retreat at Dhamma Aloka, under the instruction of S. N. Goenka where I learnt the technique of Vipassana meditation. Here I share the lessons learnt, the insights acquired, and give my analysis of the experience.

Simply put, it was one of the most profound (and painful) experiences of my life.

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TMS Saved My Life After Antidepressants Almost Ended It | Ep 254

 

What do you do when you are genetically predisposed to have negative reactions to antidepressants, have lost your job, have had little success with talking therapies, and have not yet processed the trauma of the past?

Answer: Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS)

This episode is a collaboration with Dr Jenelle Tupek, director and founder of Balanced Membranes Heath Education, and the host of the Rewriting The Script podcast.

Jenelle interviews me, discussing my experiences with how TMS saved my life and my mental health journey in general - we talk about the nature of mental health treatments and the different options available.

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The Value Of Silence | Ep 253

 

What is scarier: sitting in silence or the fact that you are afraid to sit in silence?

In this episode I discuss how technology has granted us the ability to endlessly occupy the space that was once filled with silence. The benefits of which are obvious: education, entertainment, content and connection - but at what cost? What do we lose by blocking off access to such a fundamental aspect of the human condition? What is the value of silence?

Want to work with me?
Check out my coaching, mentoring, and intuitive guidance sessions.

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Why There Is No 'Best' Meditation Position | Ep 252

 
an older man sitting in meditaiton

It feels like every tradition has a prescription on how you should sit; where to hold your hands, what to do with your eyes, and how you should handle sleepiness and pain are all prescribed.

For advanced practitioners, these suggestions should be heeded, but for beginners, they can be a hindrance - one that can be so over prescriptive and off putting that it may cause said beginner to stop practicing.

Simply put, the perfect posture is the one that keeps you meditating.

In this episode, I share with you a talk that I have released on Insight Timer - the #1 meditation app for sleep, anxiety, & stress.

Click play below to listen or scroll down to read the transcript:



What is the Best Meditation Position?

This question gets asked in a lot of the classroom discussions, particularly for my meditation courses. They say, how should I sit during meditation? What is the best meditation position? What is the best posture? It's a big contention among beginning meditators. I've got a few different approaches to offer you, depending on where you are in your meditation journey.

First up, if you are an absolute beginner, if you are just starting out, I would suggest to you personally that it doesn't matter. The goal of a beginner meditator is to just get time on the mat, just to meditate. If that means you're sitting down, lying down, broken posture in a chair, standing up, whatever, just get meditating. The only caveat to that is that you don't want to be in pain and you don't want to fall asleep.

So I typically suggest to people, take a seat or lie down. You can close your eyes if you wish, get yourself comfortable. But if you find yourself falling asleep, you find yourself in pain, tweak it, twist it, make a change. That's the first suggestion. The goal here that I look for is broad principles. What's the broad principle of a beginning meditator? Well, to meditate. How do you facilitate meditation? By making it comfortable and easy. So let's not stress too much about posture at that stage.

Now, a more advanced meditator is going to start wanting to play with posture and start looking at how posture impacts mood. If you were to just sit up straight with me right now, just sit up straight, imagine a rope pulling your head to the roof and just tuck your chin in gently. We're not forcing anything. Notice the inner feeling.When I sit upright in a good posture, I feel elated.

Now crumple yourself into a ball, huddle up. How do you feel now? Right? Your posture can impact mood. The same thing happens if you are lying down. Lying down implies sleep, and sleep does lead to different impacts too, and you can play with the use of sleep as a focus point of meditation too. But what you'll find is that the deeper you dwell into meditation and spirituality and different traditions and practices, oftentimes they do suggest a posture.

Now, once you've established a habit, once you are able to sit on the mat and you know you've cleared that space out in your life for meditation, then I would encourage you to start moving towards a posture. But it’s not about doing it dogmatically. As in, some people look at the technical aspects of the meditation, as in I've got to say these words, sit in this posture, do this exact thing, for it to work.

And that's okay for some people, but for a lot of people, that technical approach misses the overall principles of what we're doing here. Once again, does it matter if you're sitting in full lotus, perfect position to not moving a muscle? Maybe, but I would argue that the inner work and the response and the movement, the introspection, the looking at what's going on in your body, the actual act of the practice of the meditation is more important than posture.

So, with all of that said, I would suggest that you do move towards a more formal posture, but don't hold onto that idea too tightly. And if you feel the need to hold onto that idea so tightly, that it's good to think about why. Are you thinking, ‘I've got to practice in this posture because that's what the guru says, that's what the book says, that's what the tradition says…’

I would encourage you to just step back and just analyze that thought. Introspect on that thought, let that thought percolate. Does the posture really truly matter?

Non Dualistic Meditation

My main focus when I meditate is on mindfulness, a form of is non dualistic meditation. So in reality, from that perspective, the body posture is irrelevant: it's all part of the same ever present now. It's all transient, but to attain that sort of awareness, one must continue practicing, right?

One must practice daily.

There's arguments to suggest back and forth that that's neither here nor there, but I do practice, and I practice daily. I sit, I focus on the breath, I focus on the sounds, I do my meditation. How I sit does sort of impact the quality of the meditation. Now, once again, from a non dualistic meditation mindful perspective, you only have the meditation you're having, or the meditation is just occurring.

It's just a noticing of the moment. But I have noticed that I'm able to be more mindful when I am using a more formal posture. I personally sit, in meditation, either in a cross-legged position, just cross-legged on the floor, with my back resting against a wall, or I sort of kneel on my feet, and sit in that sort of kneeling prayer posture. And that's the way that I do it, that's the way that I practice, because I find that that works best for me.

So find the position and posture that works best for you. If you have certain physical conditions or disabilities or restrictions or movements or injuries or whatever it is, certain postures won't work for you. I would argue that all traditions, all practices, all talks, everything, even this post, is a finger pointing to the moon. It can only guide you so far. And you have to take that step into the, for lack of a better expression, the artistry of the practice.

You have to take it and embody it and make it yours. With everything we do here in the meditation space, in the spiritual space, but also in life space, it's like we learn all the basic techniques and then we try to embody them. And then one day we discard them and we just act. We just go, we just do. We have to start to do that with our meditation practice because once it's internalized, once it's embodied, how can words, how can instruction, how can anything get you to the deepest truth?

It can point you there, but there's something internal, something spiritual, something ethereal that has to happen for you to attain that level of presence. You can practice letting everything drop away. You can practice hyper-focusing on the present moment. You can practice sitting in a super-rigid meditation posture for hours, whatever it is, but there'll be a moment where something happens that arises and then things just click into place. Then I guarantee you that that thing will be independent of a perfect posture. There'll be something else going on.

So the summary is this. If you're starting out in meditation, just meditate. Don't worry about the posture. Eyes closed, open, head tilted up or down, focus, whatever, just meditate. You can be lying down, standing up, doesn't matter.

As you delve deeper into your practice, start playing around with the formal practices of your tradition. In general, that upright, imagine a balloon pulling your head up to the roof, gentle but firm, sort of posture tends to be quite ideal. But once again, consider that it's not about the posture, it's about the practice. The posture is just one part.

 

What Drives Me To Share My Soul Online? | Ep 251

What Drives Me To Share My Soul Online? | Ep 251

Part product of the past, part vision for the future, part desire to live a meaningful life, part belief that I can make a difference …

In this episode I break down the reasons why I feel compelled to share my soul online, discussing the journey I took to get here and where I am hoping to go.

If you are wanting an in depth look at ‘my why’, this is for you…

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Are You Manifesting Your Own Reality? | Ep 250

Are You Manifesting Your Own Reality? | Ep 250

How much of our reality do we create? Not from a ‘woo woo’ sense, but as a function of the result of the interaction between our past and our particular genetic predispositions?

If we have faced significant life challenges, and have a fearful disposition, there is a chance that we will view the world and our future pessimistically.

Alternatively, if we have had success, and have a positive disposition, then more than likely we will approach the world with hope. Do you ever wonder; are you manifesting your own reality?

Alternatively, if we have had success, and have a positive disposition, then more than likely we will approach the world with hope…

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Fuck Capitalism, Do Art | Ep 249

Fuck Capitalism, Do Art | Ep 249

Buy more. Do more. Be more. Consume more. Watch more… This seems to be the mantra of modern society and it is kill us.

We are losing our communities, forgetting our art, and wasting our lives, all in pursuit of an ever diminishing in value dollar and ever rising expectations to keep up with the proverbial Joneses…

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Life Sucks When Your Expectations Are Not Met | Ep 248

Life Sucks When Your Expectations Are Not Met | Ep 248

The difference between expectation and reality is often the source of significant discontent.

Life trains us to search for ideals: the perfect partner, job, life, outcome. Unfortunately this almost never arises and even if it did, it would be fleeting…

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Give The Gift Of Presence - Guided Meditation | Ep 247

Give The Gift Of Presence - Guided Meditation | Ep 247

What greater gift can you give someone than the gift of presence? When you are fully present, mindful, and in the moment, you are able to give all those around you access to the best version of you, and thus the moment they are in with you.

In this episode, I share with you a guided meditation…

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Why You Should Never Stop Learning About Yourself | Ep 245

Why You Should Never Stop Learning About Yourself | Ep 245

The more you know about yourself the better choices you will make and thus the better life you will lead.

In this episode I share some recent instances of deep personal insight where I discover things about myself that are both good, bad, and ugly.

I share the importance of such discoveries as well as the ways in which I (and you can) foster further insights into your own nature.

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How To Mindfully Meditate For Absolute Beginners | Ep 244

How To Mindfully Meditate For Absolute Beginners | Ep 244

Yesterday, a friend asked me how to meditate, that talk inspired this episode. Here is my guidance for absolute beginners:

1: sit comfortably (no pain or sleepiness)
2: set a timer for 5 minutes
3: pick a meditation object (breath, vision, sound)
4: when you notice a wandering kind, bring it back to focus. A successful session is one that you complete, ideally every day!

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If You Know The Way Broadly You Will See It In All Things - Samurai Wisdom | Ep 243

If You Know The Way Broadly You Will See It In All Things - Samurai Wisdom | Ep 243

When you dedicate yourself to one thing, the lessons learnt begin to help you with everything.

In this episode I discuss the quote by Miyamoto Musashi 'If you know the way broadly you will see it in all things' - applying the lessons I have learnt in martial arts, poetry, meditation, chess and life to one another, discussing the intersection between them all, as well as some of the implications and takeaways of 'knowing the way'.

I also discuss how there is a silver lining to be found in setback, injury, and illness - if we know how to look for it.

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My Anxiety Is Gone, TMS Treatment Is Working! | Ep 242

My Anxiety Is Gone, TMS Treatment Is Working! | Ep 242

Two weeks ago I began transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) to treat my depression, anxiety and PTSD. 10 sessions in and I am starting to see significant progress. In this episode I share my experiences of the process and my hopes for the future.

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