Let Me Be Me

I look different from the inside.

I know what you see,
But you don’t know what I hide,
You think it’s just smiles and glee.

Really I don’t feel safe to confide,
Cause’ I’ve got demons you see.

They cajole, sow doubts, and chide
Making me question what it is to be me.

Showing my faults, destroying my pride
Highlighting how I act differently.

They remind me of when I cried,
And make me think all fuzzy.

They suggest I shouldn’t have tried,
Confusion they guarantee.

I just want to be free, to be, and to be me.
To not worry about what you see, or wanting to flee, or to fit some unspoken decree.
What’s the key? Can thee enlighten me?

Or should I hide inside, bide my time, and chide?
Swallow my pride and wish I’d simply died?
Please confide, be my guide, and give me what I’ve been denied. 

Ah, I see, you lied.
You see me as debris.

You barely even tried,
Before making me feel crappy.

‘Cause you were the one who cried
And spoke with such irony.

Like it was me who beat your backside,
And me who raised you absently,
And me who caused your family to divide,
And me who acted grotesquely,
And me who failed to provide,
And me who never gave an apology.

No, I’ve said sorry.
My actions weren’t justified.

But I am not them and I will never be.

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This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

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