Destroy Anxious Thoughts With Specificity

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Overtly State Your Anxiety
- Ch: 1.5 of How To Get Your Sh!t Together -

“Anxiety is nothing but repeatedly experiencing failure in advance. What a waste.”
- Seth Godin

For all the hassle that anxiety causes us, it is actually an evolutionary must have. Of all of our potential ancestors, only the anxious survived. The ones who were concerned for their future enough to stockpile supplies for the winter, lived. The ones who took an extra wide berth to avoid that snake looking stick over there, lived. The ones who were concerned about the social cohesion of their tribe, lived.

To this day, anxiety stops us from making fools of ourselves by proposing the question, ‘what if it goes wrong?’

Working correctly, anxiety is the little voice on our shoulder that keeps us safe from harm. It is our imagination harnessed for the purposes of self-preservation.

The problem arises with anxiety when it becomes over-worked, is always on, or is too sensitive. When that happens, anxiety changes from a useful warning system into a crippling mental affliction that can significantly impact a person’s ability to function in modern society.

So what can be done? In the previous chapters I have discussed some physiological solutions to combat anxiety through relaxing of the body. In this chapter I will propose a more mental approach, one that employs a line of logical reasoning to help combat those overly anxious thoughts.

What Is An Anxious Thought?

Let’s look at the nature of anxious thoughts for a moment. I really want to nut out what they are, what their function is, and if we can use that information to our advantage.

‘What if she says no?’
‘I don’t know if I will be able to pull that off.’
‘What if I fail? What if I actually succeed?’
‘Who can I rely upon?’
‘It could be embarrassing. People will judge me.’

Everybody has had thoughts of this nature, and if you happen to suffer from an anxiety disorder, these thoughts are a common disturbance. But what are they exactly?

The majority of anxious thoughts seem to be small predictions, or warnings, of a future gone wrong. They are the statements of all of the little, and not so little, concerns about the future, played over and over again in a continuous loop.

Each choice, and subsequent choice, is ruminated upon simultaneously. This can quickly become overwhelming as you are suddenly contemplating many different possibilities of the future, branching out from a single decision.

Anxiety causes you to consider all the potential possibilities going wrong. All at once.

But no matter what, there is only one possible future. Anxiety will have you thinking about multiple different futures and their consequences, all at the same time.

I have a radical proposition for you to consider about your anxiety: your worst fears never come true. In fact, I would argue that the overwhelming majority of your anxious thoughts never eventuate either.

If I could place a number on it I would guess that less than 1% of your anxious thoughts have ever come true. Really think about it and try and tell me that I am wrong with this.

What’s more if something did go wrong, the chances of your anxiety actually predicting the circumstances with enough accuracy to be of any predictive help to you is quite low. True, you may have a couple of anxious thoughts that did come true, but did you spend the time to actually contemplate that thought in enough depth to actually help you?

Put simply, your anxiety is a liar, and it is not helping you at all.

 “I have got 99 problems but 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I am stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.” – Meme

I am aware of the fallacy of telling such a statement to someone who is suffering from an anxiety disorder or someone who is stuck deep in rumination. It could be taken offensively. But before you judge me, take some time to hear me out.

Firstly, I wouldn’t offer this solution to somebody currently suffering from a panic attack or struggling in that moment with ruminations. It likely wouldn’t work, as the power of the anxious thoughts could be too strong to be combatted logically.

This approach is designed for people who do suffer from anxious thoughts, but are not currently struggling with the symptoms. I use this approach every time I start to have anxious thoughts.

When an anxious thought arises, I respond to it with the following statements:

‘Anxiety is a liar.’
‘My anxiety has never correctly predicted the future before, why would this time be any different?’
‘Anxious thoughts are never helpful in handling problems.’
‘This is one of an infinite number of possibilities, there is no reason to dwell on it.’

Does this work every time? Of course not. But when I employ it at the right time, this line of reasoning can help to curtail the strength of my anxious thoughts and stop the spiral into full blown rumination. When combined with the physiological relaxation exercises from the previous chapters, I have a strong arsenal at my disposal to combat anxiety.

When To Worry

Don’t get me wrong, anxiety has its functions. Planning for and preventing negative outcomes is of course desirable.

The issue becomes one of sorting through your anxious thoughts to find out which ones matter and which should be disregarded. I do this by ‘Overtly Stating My Anxiety’. This involves stating out loud or writing down what I am specifically anxious about and then taking a detached look at those thoughts.

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TAKE ACTION

The next time you notice your anxiety levels rising, and the thoughts are starting to form, just say what you are anxious about.

“I am concerned that …”

Often by saying the thoughts out loud, their power to further impact your mental state and functioning will significantly decrease. This is because you will see just how ridiculous, farfetched or simply impossible a lot of those thoughts are.

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This exercise works in the same way as when somebody asks you, “What are you worried about?”, and you don’t tell them. Not because you can’t, but because the moment you go to start talking you realise that sharing your anxious worries could potentially be embarrassing.

The act of going to say what you are anxious about, causes you to detach from the anxiety and observe it with an objective lens.

Will this stop the anxiety completely? Not necessarily. But realising that those devilish thoughts have no real world substance can take a lot of power away from them.

‘Helpful’ Versus ‘Non-Helpful’ Anxiety

I started this chapter with a quick mention of the benefits of anxiety for a reason, some anxious thoughts are helpful warnings that we should heed.

But how do you determine which ones are helpful and which are not? The TAKE ACTION below presents an approach that can help you to filter through your anxious thoughts and discover what you should actually be concerned about.

It will highlight your actual weaknesses, show you your vulnerabilities, and reveal the real risks that you will face. Allowing you to focus your energies where they are needed most!

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TAKE ACTION

1 – Topic:
At the top of a page write down the subject of your anxiety.

Example:
Going on an overseas holiday, with my wife and infant child, to a country where I cannot speak the language at all (Japan).

2 – Anxieties:
Write down all of the things that you are ruminating over relating to that topic. Be specific and write down every anxious thought you are having. Leave no worry unwritten.

Example:
1: ‘Will security flag me down for a specific scan?’
2: ‘What if I have a panic attack when the plane is in mid-flight?’
3: ‘What if a flight attendant goes crazy and opens the door mid-flight?’
4: ‘What if there is a terrorist hijacking on board my flight?’
5: ‘What if the plane crashes?’
6: ‘Will I get to the airport on time? I hate being rushed and late.’
7: ‘What if I don’t clip the overhead baggage in properly and it falls down onto someone?’
‘8: If my child starts crying it would be completely embarrassing and make the trip terrible.’

3 – Cutting Down:
When the list is complete, read it over, and put a line through any that you can immediately discount due to it occurrence being:

A) Statistically unlikely
B) Literally impossible
C) People would have to act completely out of character (you or others)
D) There are no real consequences if it occurs

Example:
1: ‘Will security flag me down for a specific scan?’ - Inconsequential:
I may be scanned, but it is a quick, routine scan performed on 1000’s of people daily. Since I am not taking anything illegal on board, nothing negative will come of it.

2: ‘What if I have a panic attack when the plane is in mid-flight?’

3: ‘What if a flight attendant goes crazy and opens the door mid-flight?’ – Impossible and out of character:
The doors are pressure locked when flying at altitude, requiring over three tons of force to move (an impossible task). Furthermore, there is no record of any flight attendants ever doing such an action.

4: ‘What if there is a terrorist hijacking on board my flight?’ – Unlikely:
Despite the media hype, the real occurrences of terrorist attacks on airplane is so statistical small it is practically unmeasurable.

5: ‘What if the plane crashes?’ Unlikely:
While planes have crashed before, it is well documented that I am far more likely to crash on the way to the airport than in the plane – yet I am not worried at all about driving.

6: ‘Will I get to the airport on time? I hate being rushed and late.’

7: ‘What if I don’t clip the overhead baggage in properly and it falls down onto someone?’ –People acting out of character:
I always triple check things like this so they never happen. Regardless, it is the flight attendants job to check this as well.

8: ‘If my child starts crying it would be completely embarrassing and make the trip terrible.’

4 - Take action:
Address the remaining item(s) on your list. The process of eliminating and refining that list will help you to highlight which thoughts could be an issue moving forward. Once you know what the specific issues are, you can take actions to prevent them from happening.

You may find that some things simply can’t be prevented. If that is the case, you will need to accept that that is a reality of the situation and judge if it is an acceptable risk or not (in whatever form that may take).

Examples:

2: ‘What if I have a panic attack when the plane is in mid-flight?’
- I have had panic attacks before and I have a strategy to deal with them in place which I will review. I will also speak to my psychologist for further tips to handle a panic attack if it occurs in a confined place like an airplane.

6: ‘Will I get to the airport on time? I hate being rushed and late.’
- I will make sure to leave with an extra hour to spare, that way any unforeseeable delays will be covered and we won’t be late.

8: ‘If my child starts crying it would be completely embarrassing and make the trip terrible.’
- We have purchased the tickets to fly at night, so he will likely sleep the majority of the time. He usually has a good temperament, and can be distracted by toys, food and television when he wakes up.

Despite this actions, he may cry at some stage anyway. Babies crying on flights is a common occurrence, so I can take some solace that we will not be alone in this predicament. Realistically he will not cry for a long time each flight, and although it will be embarrassing when it is happening, it is still worth taking the trip.

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The whole process of ‘Overtly Stating Your Anxiety’ is designed to help you to look at your anxious thoughts from a detached and calm perspective. In the moment when the anxious thoughts arise, they can be very overwhelming and powerfully convincing.

When you go through this process you can sift through your anxieties to determine which ones pose a legitimate threat and which don’t. From there you can take the actions necessary to protect yourself from possible negative outcomes. Once you have sorted those potential issues out you can rest easier!

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Frequently Asked Questions

Q) Is there a risk of ‘giving power’ to my anxious thoughts by writing them down and focusing on them?

A) Yes. However in my opinion, the reward is worth the risk. The majority of ruminations and anxious thoughts will disappear once you shine the light of awareness upon them. Those that remain will be more likely to be actual concerns that you need to address – either with a practical solution, or through therapy and discussion.

Q) I am too embarrassed to write my anxious thoughts down.

A) Revealing your anxiety can be a confronting thing. Remember that this list is for your eyes only, so when the exercise is done, discard the paper so nobody else can see it.

If you are embarrassed by the thoughts and don’t want to look at them because you can instantly realise how improbable they are, then push on, the exercise is already working!

Resources
The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris
The Mind Illuminated, John Yates
Mindfulness In Plain English, Bhante Gunaratana
The War Of Art, Steven Pressfield

Summary
Most anxious thoughts are overstated, highly improbable or simply groundless. By overtly stating your anxious thoughts you can see just how ridiculous most really are. You can then focus your efforts on addressing the anxieties that remain.