Billson’s Best
/
- Ch: 10 of Wage Slave -
The following quotes were found attached to a board under Jones’ desk, following an Occupational Health and Safety review to ensure compliance with the company’s policy on the safe use of storage areas. Since discovery, both Billson and Jones have been placed on administrative leave pending review.
“People think being fat is easy. Like I must buy McDonalds all the time right? But that’s too expensive. You actually have to learn how to cook yourself enough bad food to sustain such a massive girth.”
“There should be a 40% body fat rule. People with less than 40% body fat should be allowed to be topless any time they like. Anyone over 40%, like me, must stay clothed.”
“Why do we even have cleaners? We are just going to mess up the place again tomorrow.”
“I am a massive believer in the practice of ‘spite kindnesses’… I will be super helpful to people who don’t help me. Eventually the weight of their accumulated guilt will cause them to drop their ego and treat me with real respect.”
“Carpet is just like a sock for your house.”
“Before I fit three hotdogs into my mouth at once, people told me I was crazy, but now that I have done it, I’m inspirational!”
“I hate swimming, it’s basically just drowning moving forward.”
“If you want to solve all of the world’s problems, feed the fattest 50% of people to the skinniest 50%. No more global warming, poverty or obesity.”
“I never drink when I’m out clubbing. I don’t need to. Being hot, sober and confident is like having superpowers.”
“I quit my gym membership … now I no longer have to feel guilty about not exercising.”
“I am gruntled that gruntled is a word. Too bad about bunked.”
“It was the last act of a dying friendship (Billson, you made out with her!) Exactly, that kiss effectively finished off our friendship.”
“I met the ugliest guy on the train today. I told him so. I said he would stick in my memory forever … no easy feat. Think of how many people I’ve seen and just instantly forgotten … not you though!”.
‘Billson’s Best’ is part of Wage Slave
Out now: eBook, Paperback & Audible
