Human Resources #1
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- Ch: 02 of Wage Slave -
It was time. Billson had been dreading this moment all week. Jones from Human Resources had demanded a meeting to discuss ‘a matter of great importance’. No elaboration given, just a date, a time and a room number.
Billson knew what it related to, but couldn’t quite grasp what the big deal was. He always spoke this way, always joked this way, and the people laughed. True, he wasn’t always sure if it was with him or at him, but that didn’t matter, it was getting the laughs that counted.
He took a bite of a chocolate bar and pressed ‘up’. Management was ‘up’, the CEO was ‘up’. Human Resources was ‘up’.
Watching the elevator numbers cascading down to his level, Billson began to recount his side of the story,
“It wasn’t that offensive really … I mean their suggestions were just as out there as mine … I know we all have to be politically correct now, but what exactly is political correctness? Who sets the lines on what is appropriate to say and what isn’t? Besides, how can I stay up to date on those changes? … Why would they just take offence to me? We were all saying basically the same thing!”
Billson had almost finished his second chocolate bar by the time the elevator doors began to open. In a flurry Jones rushed out the door, and in his haste accidently knocked the last piece of chocolate from Billson’s hand.
Not slowing down, Jones yelled over his shoulder,
“Give me 15 minutes, I have to stop him, oh my God I have to stop him.”
Shrugging, Billson picked up the last piece of the chocolate bar, brushed it off and popped it into his mouth.
Not one to miss a good show, Billson decided to follow.
…
Clicking the phone speaker on, Brown gave everyone the thumbs up. His smile was growing wider by the second, yet his eyes showed rage.
There was a crowd gathering around his cubicle. Initially it was drawn there by the yelling and then by the sobbing, then by the force of the crowd itself. Nobody wanted to miss a good show.
Prior to this event, most people considered Brown to be a ‘non-person’. He would turn up to work each day, do his work competently, make some small talk, and then go home. Despite attending all of the social events, nobody would really remember his attendance. He would regularly cut people off halfway through a story to tell them that he had in fact been there. He was small and unassuming. He was simply just there.
Only his therapist knew the true extent of Brown’s displeasure at his work, and of the deep anger that was so very close to erupting.
Brown suddenly exploded into the phone,
“I am going to show you just how stupid you actually are! I’m just a voice on a phone right? Yet you just told me your home address, full name, email address, details of your latest transactions and the answers to your security questions. You even gave me your password and access pin … Then you proceed to abuse me?”
Brown began laughing in a way that Billson hadn’t heard since primary school. Billson was much the same back then as he was now. Large and perpetually snacking on something. Only his classmates were not as accepting of his girth as his current workmates. Brown’s maniacal laugh made him reflexively hold his chocolate bar closer to his chest. Nobody would be taking his lunch today.
Brown continued, “My bet is that your details are the same for us as they are for all of your business, right? So how about I cancel your insurance and come around to your house right now and burn it down? While I’m at it, why don’t I transfer your savings into something more fun, like a partial stake in a morgue or a brothel? You’re not so chipper now hey?”
Brown didn’t wait for a response, he dropped the phone, leaving the caller on the other end speechless. He was already out of the door before Lewis and Jackson from security even got the call to leave their stations.
The crowd erupted. Most in shock, some with applause and others with subdued dismay. Billson took this as his que to leave, making his way back to the elevator, and once more pressing ‘up’.
Sixty minutes had passed when Jones finally returned to his office. He sighed as he rounded the corner and saw Billson’s large frame in the waiting room. Glancing down, he noticed three chocolate bar wrappers on a chair beside him and another one sheathing a half-eaten bar in Billson’s hand.
‘Human Resources #1’ is part of Wage Slave
Out now: eBook, Paperback & Audible
