Despite What Your Brain Tells You, There Is Always A Solution To Your Problem

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Defeat Negative Self Talk
- Ch: 1.7 of How To Get Your Sh!t Together -

“Every problem has a solution. You just have to be creative enough to find it.” – Travis Kalanick

If I am in a bad place mentally, any problem, challenge or complication has the potential to derail me completely.

I become overwhelmed with the onslaught coming from my mental afflictions combined with the stress of completing the new task. My self-talk becomes negative, directed at my inability to handle the problem, and then at me as a whole for once again ‘losing it’ over something so insignificant.

It could be any problem that causes this break down: making a major purchase, starting in a new position, or a family emergency. However it is often the little things that wear on my nerves and break me down into complete inaction.

Handyman tasks and making phone bookings for appointments are often the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I am not sure why I struggle with these kinds of tasks so much. Perhaps it is the responsibility of ‘fixing something’ when I don’t feel complete myself, or because planning for the future only makes sense if I feel that I can predict that the future will be safe and consistent. Regardless, when I am in a bad way, even simple tasks become quite daunting.

Rumination and catastrophization can make us feel completely isolated in our struggles – mainly because the real issue isn’t the one we are facing, but rather our internal battle with mental affliction.

By attributing all of our internal stress onto a task, that task becomes overwhelming.

We first need to address our stress levels (perhaps through using the breathing exercises found within this chapter), and when we are in a calmer mental state, then we can address the actual problem.

In ‘Guard Your Mental State’ (chapter 2.1) I talk about the importance of focusing your efforts on the tasks that you are confident in completing yourself and outsourcing the rest. I have learnt that when I am in a bad place, it is far better to pay the handyman some cash to complete a potentially troubling task than it is to attempt it myself.

The cost of the job is nothing compared to the value of mental state.

I apply this same approach to anything that could negatively impact my mental health in a time of crisis – asking for and accepting help or paying professionals to just get the job done can be a life saver.

Chances are that someone, somewhere has dealt with your issue before and has been kind enough to write or talk about it online, in a book or on a video. I know this advice seems obvious but it can be hard to remember.

This is not to say that I don’t attempt to fill these gaps in knowledge and ability, or that I don’t strive to work on those weaknesses. Rather I will only do so when I am in a good place mentally and can handle the added stress.

Take a breath, detach and then take action.

The information is there, you just need to find it. A quick search can show you how to plaster a wall, train your misbehaving dog, reset your smart phone, jump start a car, complete a recipe, trouble shoot a printer, exercise with the correct form and write a professional resume.

What’s more, people are always willing to help if your problem falls into their area of expertise. Physical businesses specialising in the general area of your issue are great starting points for beginning an information hunt. If they can’t provide the service themselves, they will often be able to direct you to somebody who can help.

Online forums like those found at reddit.com can be a wealth of information. Reddit is basically a collection of themed message boards where users post relevant articles, discuss recent developments or ask and answer questions. Google ‘subreddit for (your problem)’ and ask away. They will either help you, or direct you to the appropriate subreddit (message board) to ask there.

The key is to not let the thoughts of ‘I can’t do this, I know nothing’ to gain a foothold in your mind.

You may not know the solution yet, but you have the ability to figure it out.

Focus on finding a solution, and if those disparaging thoughts continue, use the exercises from ‘Defeat Negative Self-Talk’ (chapter, 1.6) to combat their impact.

Say to yourself, “I may not know the answer yet, but there is help available. I just have to find it.”

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TAKE ACTION

Choose one task that you need to complete, but have been delaying due to a lack of knowledge in the area, or feelings of helplessness relating to the task.

Spend some time researching solutions to the topic. Go online, ask in forums and make some phone calls. Do this now. Unless you are willing to take action from the advice in this book, there is little use in you reading it.

You need to do the work to get the results!

Repeat this exercise daily, until you feel ready to take action to address the issue. If you fail when you do take action, simply continue with this exercise and try again.

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On Death, Loss and Injury

Some problems just won’t have ideal solutions. Nothing you do can bring back a loved one, some relationships cannot be mended and your disability or injury may be permanent.

However there is still a solution for your current situation; you can look into information and support groups relating to your loss. You can organise counselling for handling the grief process or adapting to changing life circumstances. You could read the stories of other people who have gone through a similar issue in their lives and model your recovery from them. Perhaps you could even reach out and contact them for more advice or support.

I go into depth with this in ‘Dealing With Injuries, Disabilities, Setbacks and Losses’ (chapter 3.4), but the key is to accept your current situation for its new reality and to take action from there.

This of course won’t be easy.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Q) I keep looking for a solution and I can’t find one. No tutorials, videos, classes, experts, businesses … nothing!

A) Look for similar/related advice.

When I was preparing to complete a 24hr Grapple-A-Thon (24 hours of continuous martial arts classes and sparing), I couldn’t find any information discussing anybody else who had done it.

However I looked up information on ultramarathon event preparation figuring that the physical challenges and impact to my body would be similar. The advice wasn’t perfect, but it did help me to complete the challenge and recover from it.
 
Resources
The War Of Art, Steven Pressfield
The Obstacle Is The Way, Ryan Holiday
24hr Grapple-A-Thon, Zachary Phillips

Summary
When you are feeling overwhelmed by a problem, remember that there is always a solution. You don’t need know everything, but you do need to have the tenacity to persevere in seeking the answers that you need.