Using Mindfulness To Manage Toxic Thoughts

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- Ch: 11of Mindfulness, A Guidebook to the Present Moment -

‘Wherever you are, be there totally.’ – Eckhart Tolle

Some days, meditation can seem like a chore. It can feel like you are totally out of focus for the entire session. That your mind is wandering out of control, and it is all you can do to stop yourself from getting off the mat and ending the session early. Perhaps you are plagued by embarrassing memories, find yourself bombarded by strong emotions, or are simply falling asleep. Whatever the reason, that meditation session just sucked. Please do not stress, this happens to everyone. It is not a sign of regression, or that you are meditating incorrectly. The truth is that you can only have the meditation you are having. Whatever happens, happens and that is okay.

You can only have the meditation you are having.

Of course, some sessions will feel amazing. Euphoria, joy, and insight often flow from our practice, and these can be quite enticing. The problem comes when we start to hunt for or crave those ‘good’ feelings. Or when we use those feelings as a marker of success. The fact is your meditations will not always be so rosy, and it is likely that striving for certain feelings will actually cause some of your duress. At the very least, doing so is not an act of mindfulness. Remember, mindfulness is awareness that arises from purposefully paying non-judgmental attention to the present moment.

Some moments are unpleasant.

Running away, avoiding, or blocking off negative mental states rarely works, particularly as a long-term solution for mental stability. They always come back, often with a vengeance. A better approach is to ‘turn and face’ your inner world, for what it is, as it is, in that moment. It may be unpleasant, confronting, or boring, but it is what is happening, and you are being impacted by it. The good news is that the skills acquired from mindfulness meditation are in fact the perfect antidote to a troubled mind. With practice and proper application, they will stop you from being at the mercy of your thoughts, allowing you to better manage the mental stormfronts that risk ruining your meditation sessions, and even more importantly, ruining your day.

The next time you find yourself struggling through a ‘bad’ session, try the following. Start by reminding yourself that you can only have the meditation that you are having, and that your goal is not to force yourself to feel good, but rather to simply observe what is happening. From there, you could choose to ‘turn and face’ the challenging mental state. The first step is to simply accept what is happening, without judgement. You do not need to understand why those thoughts are arising, or to find any hidden meanings. Nor do you need to drive them out or block them off.

From there you could choose to change your meditation object to those the thoughts themselves. Really look at them. Where are they coming from? Where do they go? How strong are they? Do they come with emotions, memories, or other feelings? What is your default response to them? What do they make you want to do?

Take some time and really feel it out. You can do so with the knowledge that what you are currently feeling will not last. None of your previous bad mental states were permanent, and neither will this one be. With those assurances, you can confidently turn and face the reality of your mind. And the good news is that often the simple act of acceptance and observation will result in those bad mental states passing quite quicky.

The practice of ‘turning and facing’ negative mental states can be quite therapeutic and informative. Firstly, it provides you with an outlet to process challenging mental states. Perhaps, for whatever reason, your brain decided that it was time to address some kind of repressed issue. Congratulations, by accepting and observing it, you have given yourself the space to heal and grow. It is almost like acting as your own therapist. So be the loving witness you deserve. Secondly, it will confirm to you the fact that mental states are short lived. The more you meditate and investigate your emotions, particularly the negative ones, the more you will realize that those states never last long, particularly if you are not actively holding on to them.

‘Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned’. - Buddha

It is important here to highlight a potential pitfall of the ‘turn and face’ technique. There is a risk that you will find yourself inadvertently perpetuating your negative mental state, rather than just observing it. If you have ever found yourself arguing in your head with someone hours after an event, reliving the past and hoping to change it, or actively ruminating on a potential problem coming on the horizon, you will know what this feels like. There is a kind of self-righteousness or perverse joy that comes with perpetuating the gossip and drama within our minds. It causes us to hold onto the feelings of anger, resentment, and other heightened emotionality, convincing us to that doing so is both desirable and necessary.

When you are meditating, make sure that you are simply observing your thoughts, not perpetuating them. This is an advanced skill; one requires a finely tuned awareness to be successful. It may seem, at first glance, like you are just observing the thoughts and emotions of your mind, but the reality may be that you are engaging with them in a less than constructive manner. With time and practice you will be better equipped to realize when this is occurring and then act. When you notice yourself perpetuating a negative mental state, use it as a cue to boost your efforts in your mindful observation of the breath. You could also use the labeling technique from ‘The Real Practice’ section.

Let’s give it a try now.

Glimpse:   Turn and Face

1: Take a moment to remember a moderately stressful event, or something that made you a bit angry.
2: Close your eyes and start a timer for two minutes.
3: Your thoughts will be your meditation object. Just watch them come and go.
4: If you notice yourself ruminating, engaging, or perpetuating them, label it as ‘thinking’, and return back to your observation.

The more you practice that mindful glimpse, the better you will be at emotional regulation in everyday life. You will find yourself more able to see when you are about to say or do something you may later regret, giving you a small window where you can apply the brakes and change course.

To be clear, the goal of that glimpse, and indeed mindfulness meditation as a whole, is not to change your thoughts or stop you from ever experiencing bad emotions. Doing so is impossible. Rather, you will find that you will become more aware of your mental state, and thus less surprised by sudden bursts of anger, sadness, or anxiety. These negative mental states may occur less frequently, and when they do, they will not last as long, nor will they be as intense. By meditating, you are developing the skills necessary to manage your mind.