Complexities of Communication: Why No One Will Ever Truly Understand Your Writing
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- A chapter from How To Write Evocative Poetry -
Communication, either via words on a page, or spoken, is not perfect. The complexities of communication can mean that people will not truly understand your writing in the exact way that you eant it. The speaker formulates a concept in their mind (imagery, feelings, sensations, memories, emotions) and condenses all of that down into words and expresses it.
Grammar and syntax help that expression when the medium is a page, and tone and body language help that expression when the medium is spoken word. It is then the receiver’s job to read (or listen) to the words and reconstruct the code back into imagery, feelings, sensations, memories, emotions, and all the other unseen, internal, mind stuff - and interoperate it all. Writing is a one-sided version of this process, and a conversation is this process repeating itself both ways.
Ever read a book that leaves you confused, or better yet observe a conversation between two other people who are clearly not understanding the other person’s point of view, or are speaking through each other? This is an issue inherent to all forms of communication and relates directly to the worry of your readers ‘getting’ your work. The truth is, they won’t get it – how can they? They don’t have your lived experience. All they are getting is scribbles on a page that their brain is trying to make sense of and interpret. Dealing with the complexities of communication is a part of daily life, it is an art itself and something we must all practice.
If I was to say that I am sad. What am I actually saying? You have an idea, you have a broad sense, but you don’t quite know exactly what I mean. This applies to all words - we are playing with the finger pointing to the moon. The finger points and says look there, there is the moon. But unfortunately, the only way to get to the moon is to go there for yourself. We can point the way, but there is a gap that is filled by the reader’s internal state.
Three simple examples to prove my point:
1: If I was to ask five of my readers to describe the emotion of anger, what are the chances that they will come up with the same thing?
Maybe this is too abstract. What about if I was to describe, in detail, a leaf on a tree and ask them to draw it (or perhaps select the best representation of the leaf from a selection of 100 options). What are the chances that the results would be remotely similar?
2: Grammar, syntax, italics, emphasis, tone, body language and other modifiers of words all impact interpretation differently and themselves will all be interpreted differently by different people. Take the sentence, ‘I didn’t steal your car’, seems clear enough right? But watch what happens when I italicise each word, thus emphasising it. Notice how the meaning changes each time.
I didn’t steal your car.
I didn’t steal your car.
I didn’t steal your car.
I didn’t steal your car.
I didn’t steal your car.
3: Consider your reaction to the following poem, Love Is
Love Is
Love is a mortgage,
A debt promise of pain.
Paid with interest,
For those you outlive.
Love is making connections
Despite knowing they will be broken.
And it’s the letting go
Of the guilt for doing so.
Love is for the small sacrifices,
That contain the hidden joys.
And the memory that’s both
Blessing and curse.
Love is knowing when to push,
And when you must concede.
The realisation that you’re wrong,
And the leaving of transgressions unseen.
Love is the give and take,
The unspoken word.
The comforts freely given,
And those gratefully accepted.
Love is the discipline to say no,
Through begging, pleading and pain.
And the careful observation,
Of limits reached.
Love is tempered guidance,
A shot at eternity.
And the words of encouragement,
To try once more.
Love is a partnership,
A bonding of the muse.
A step into darkness,
Taken together in faith.
- from ‘Reflections of the Self, the Poetry, Insights and Wisdom of Silence’
Did that poem resonate with you, or are some aspects of it off in some way? Have I nailed it, or is it so totally off the mark as to make you question your choice of purchasing this book? Truth is, this poem has received all of these responses and more. None of them are objectively ‘correct’, but nevertheless each reader is subjectively correct in their interpretation.
The point is, what I write and what you read may look the same, but the internal experience will be vastly different. As too may be my intention of each piece.
Do you even know if it was my intention to describe what love actually ‘is’? The title suggests as such, but when a poem is simply presented as above, the reader doesn’t know what was going through the author’s head, nor what they were trying to accomplish with the piece. Perhaps it was meant to be one part of a larger collection, maybe it was written as a homage to another famous poet, perhaps it was an attempt to express an ideal that is found only within media, or written as a response to a recent experience.
Maybe it is an idealistic representation of something that can never be fully experienced, or was written as an accompanying piece to an essay or talk. Love Is could be any of those things or something else entirely – you will never know. But understanding the complexities of communication helps us to be okay with this.
So no, your readers won’t necessarily get your poetry in the way you intended it, but that is okay. Our goal is to move the reader emotionally. To leave a mark. To impact them. To make them want to read more of our work and to share it with their friends. We can try to evoke certain feelings, but we can never do so with 100% effectiveness or accuracy.
For poets & writers struggling to handle criticism & feedback...
I am sick of seeing one piece of feedback or criticism crush prospective poets and authors.
I’ve received many messages of writers starting out with high hopes only to share stories of how they were stopped in their tracks before the habit ever took off.
I am lucky enough to be able to write for a living, and have had many friends and followers attempt to replicate what I do.
95% fail for one of two reasons:
1) they stop before they get success.
2) early feedback stops them writing.
Facts are, even best selling authors aren’t universally liked. Haters will hate. And if you share your work with the world, feedback will come, some of which you will not enjoy.
Losing you as a poet would be a shame. You won’t get the joy of expression and we won’t receive the blessing of your unique poetry.
I’ve created this course (the link will give you a month free access) to help encourage you to keep writing, as well as way to process the feedback, criticisms, and alternative interpretations of your poetry when it comes - without it impacting you too much.
Key Takeaways:
You are not as good or as bad as they say you are.
Know why you are writing: If for yourself, don't share it. If for a purpose (wedding/lover etc) then write to and for them. If for sales, split the writing and editing and promotion up as 'different parts of you' allowing detachment.
Realise that what people see in art is a reflection of them not you. Your role is to create and share and accept however they receive your work.
Only take on feedback from people you have asked to give it, ignore all else
You can only receive criticism OR compliments. Ask for the one you want and receive it!
Benefits For You Taking The Course:
If you have stopped writing, or almost have stopped, I made this course for you, check it out. This link will give you one month free access to this course, the 20+ others I have on writing, self improvement, and meditation, as well as 1000's of other talented teachers as well.
Read more:
- How To Write Poetry That Moves People
- Why I Write Erotica
- Write What You Know, Not What You Think Will Sell
Read another chapter from How To Write Evocative Poetry. Download a free copy here, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
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If you want to work with me, you can read more about my coaching, mentoring & intuitive guidance sessions.
