The Neurodivergent Guide To Avoiding Overwhelm And Staying Sane This Christmas Season | Ep 234
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Every Christmas season I talk on this topic, because every Christmas season I am reminded of just how overwhelming, panic inducing and confusing it all can be.
Thankfully I am learning from the past and have realised the need for intervention, prevention, and pre-emptive attention to self-care and preparation to stay sane over the next few months.
So with that said I want to share with you the following podcast and blog post. If you, or someone you know is neurodivergent, you will get a lot from this one.
Links mentioned:
I teach on Insight Timer, Skillshare, and Udemy. I also offer 1 on 1 coaching and mentoring where I can guide you though the process.
Click play to listen the podcast episode and read my tips below for more!
Autism and ADHD Burnout Recovery
1: Plan Ahead And Prioritise
I use a monthly calendar to plan ahead, all of my work, social, and university obligations. This visual representation enables me to see when things are landing, and us to plan for the much-needed down time (more on this later).
Over the holiday season invites and obligations to attend social gatherings quadruples; work, parties, family, catch ups, different friendship, groups, and special days all add up, and are all vying for attention.
My first step is to put them all into the diary, to see where they sit relative to one another. When they’re visually on the page, I can see how close they are, and what likelihood I will be able to attend.
From there, I highlight the most important gatherings. The things I really want to, or have to attend.
Then I add in downtime, the necessary day or so prior, and post to prepare and recover.
Then, I look at secondary and tertiary obligations. If they fit, and won’t impact the rest of my life negatively, I agree to attend them as well. But more often than not, they are cut.
Which leads me to…
2: Letting Go Of Guilt
Over the years, I’ve learnt my limits, and importantly, I’ve learnt to respect them.
If I was to say yes to everything, I would quite literally have a breakdown - or more accurately, many.
My anxiety, would over me in the lead up. During the Christmas season, I would dissociate. And afterwards, I’ll be forced to spend weeks recovery. Attempting to recharge my batteries enough to get back to normal life.
I am not like everyone else.
I cannot cope with such a load of socialising, with all of its inherit rules, status, plays, gift buying etiquette, the need to mask, and the myriad of other mental drains neurodivergent people know all too well.
Beyond being embarrassing, my lack of ability to attend everything, riddles me with gilt. The shame of “not being good enough”, or letting people down, or self-talk berating my conditions has plagued my adult life - but the thing is, no matter how guilty I feel, nothing can make me other than what I am.
I’m not guilty if injure my physical body and cannot walk properly. I’m not guilty that I cannot eat gluten, without getting sick. So, similarly, I refuse to be guilty any longer about what I can and cannot cope with.
So to balance this I…
3: Communicate My Needs And Limitations
This is hyper embarrassing (at least initially), but a must if I want to maintain relationships.
Despite what I wish, people don’t know what I’m going through, or what I need. It is not obvious, despite how much I feel like I’m showing my suffering, or my guilt at suffering, or my sadness at not being normal.
Thus, I share. I share with people around me, the stuff that I’m putting here.
I tell them how I get overwhelmed. How I need time to recover. How sometime I will have bail and how another times, I will need to implement different strategies to be able to attend.
I share how it’s not a personal attack, or a judgement on them. I explain to them that what I am going through is not easy, nor is it a choice. I give them analogies, attempting to link their experiences with overwhelm and pain, with my experiences of what may seem normal/exciting/mundane.
I ask for their forgiveness and understanding. And although I shouldn’t have to, I apologise. Because I know what I’m asking for, and giving them, is not normal.
I let them know that I see how my issues are inconveniencing them, but nonetheless ask them to understand.
4: Strategies To Attend Parties
have an exit strategy: I like to know when I’m going to leave, and the excuse/reason for leaving. So when I need to, I can just go, and I know it’s not going to last forever.
Take time during the event, to rest and recover in silence. Spare rooms, toilets, quiet walks outside all work. Perhaps listening to a favourite song on my headphones.
Talk with one or two people, not the group. I really enjoy in depth, deep conversations - and quickly get overwhelmed and confused by group situations. It’s not that I make a full of myself, but rather, I just don’t enjoy the dynamic. Thus, my goal is to have one or two conversations. Going deep, and enjoying the experience.
5: Recovery Time
After all the events, and just in general of the holiday season, make sure to have lots of downtime.
This is self-care. I read. I meditate. I have a bath. I stretch. I exercise. I pat my cat. I sleep. I eat well. I eat a treat.
Basically, I make sure that I give myself what I need to recover - along with a healthy dose of self forgiveness…
6: Self-Forgiveness
Given all of the above, it feels like I need a prescription explicit direction on how to just live. On how to survive.
And in the way I do. This, at times, can feel highly embarrassing, and shame inducing. Why do I need all of this?
Ultimately, this line of questioning is flawed. I need it because I need it. And shaming myself does not help.
So now, I add in self-forgiveness. Love. I’m learning to understand, that what I need, is what I need, and I am okay, and I am valid.
You may need what I need, or you might need more, or less, or something different. Either way, work out what you need, and give it to yourself. You are valid, and you deserve to enjoy the holiday season.
If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy these: Exposing Inner Demons – An Uncut Example Of Writing Therapy as well as Why Mental Illness Makes Dating Almost Impossible.
Links mentioned:
I teach on Insight Timer, Skillshare, and Udemy. I also offer 1 on 1 coaching and mentoring.
