I Let It Go and Just Feel

I hear you in the lyrics of a song.
I feel you in the kiss of cold wind.
I see you in a starry night sky.
I taste you in a bite of sweet fruit.
I smell you in an ocean breeze.
I sense you deep within.

I have received all I asked of you and more.
Yet doubt continues to haunt me.
Expectations cloud your true nature.
You are not what others say.
Words cannot convey the
Intricacy of your message.

Emotion, feeling and intuition
Serve you better.
You talk in subtlety and rhyme.
Gentle guidance that’s often overlooked.
Saying not what I want to hear,
But what I need to.

I follow as best I can,
I’m sorry for my failures.
I stand at the edge of a cliff.
Please catch me,
Help me to fly.
I let it go and just feel.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

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Looking In

I close my eyes.

Where once there was vividness
There is now a vague blur.

Stories and visions intermingle
A kaleidoscope of confusion.

Words and non-words alike
Are spoken and responded to.

The allure of reality is lost,
Replaced by the bliss of the abyss.

The joy of not knowing
Is ever more tempting.

Closing my eyes to avoid it all,
To get to where release was once felt.

But no more.
The avalanche of memory greets me.
I cannot escape the pain inside.
I long to let it go.

To let it all go.

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This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

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Reflections

The world is a mirror to your soul,
Your happiness will be shown
On the faces of strangers,
Your fear will flicker in their eyes,
Your hope will express itself
In the poetry you read, as too will your ills.

The mirror rejects what you are not,
Thus the world will always be you,
In this way you are trapped,
Rejecting love when you need it most,
And the advice you most need to hear.

Yet you are not stagnant,
And neither is the mood of the world,
What happens in one, distorts the other,
Words can scratch, and actions can crack,
So keep a watch on its surface,
And a polishing rag in hand.

Realise that the mirror is in fact imperfect,
Subject to change, manipulation and control,
Those reflections are more than phantasms,
They have a force that can break.

So watch the mirror,
Be on guard against its influence,
But also influence your guard,
For your actions may inadvertently
Shatter someone’s soul.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

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A Mirror

A mirror reflects differently,
Backwards, reversing your stare.
What's dark out here is light in there.

With pain on my face I look away.
Make it stop! Get rid of it, now! Today!

I peel away the face off my skin.
My mask is gone, the blackness glares, Tunneling further in.

Digging, chewing, boring its way deeper.
I fall to my knees, feeling hollow and weaker.

The bridge in my dreams,
Becomes the place I take flight.
This is where it ends,
Now, this night.

Bound and restricted, both heavy and light.
My mind and body have all but lost the fight.

Will a light come to save me?
Or forsaken will I remain,
Alone and insane?

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

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Distortions

My mind creates this world.
How can you say I am not God?
Every character, every scene, every aspect;
All a variation of myself.

Created in my image, created in my mind.
Both with and without intention.
The universe forever expanding
Inwardly as it does outwardly.

Distortions of reality,
More elegant than any alternate world.
Why should I leave?

Here I am something,
Simultaneously at, in and above myself.
A beautiful story of consciousness,
Played in a theatre of dreams.

Time passes, I open my eyes.
My focus wanes and I begin to forget.
Only the feelings remain,
Glorious certainty, a guide to my higher self.
Fragments of my truth are written and told.
Just a mere representation, a lie.
Imagination takes hold,
Corrupting, corroding, filling the gaps.

Stop. Let me remember.
Let me feel again,
I want the unadulterated truth.

I want to be back there again,
Where I feel divine,
Where it feels right.

Where I don't feel like a character
In someone else's dream.
I want to be present,
Both creating and existing simultaneously.

Doubts creep in,
It was just a beautiful distortion of reality,
A test of faith. Nothing to see here,
Move along. I am awake. It's gone.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Eyes

She has sad eyes. Forlorn. Longing.
Young, but not innocent. She’s seen things.
She hid, she ran, she learnt.
Yet her troubles still follow.
So she smiles wide, laughs and parties.
But it’s just a cover.
Mostly she’s acting.
In attempting to fool herself, she loses herself.
Questions arise. These questions she ignores.
Her worries are of the future,
Yet she lives for the now.
Avoiding. Pretending. Feeling. Breaking.
But she is young, and she is pretty,
So most are captured by her smile.
Not by the pain in her eyes,
Reflecting the depth of her soul.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Trippin

My days are slippin
I be trippin
Over myself
Over my words
Sentimental thoughts
I’m mental
Mental state
Lost forms abate
Can’t wait
I overcompensate
I’m lost
Searching for you
Looking for new
A preview in lieu of success
I’m a mess
Such stress
Much duress,
Brain’s compressed,
Into something different
I’m indifferent
Maleficent
A power against the world
Against myself
I’m self-destructive
Creative in chaos
Constructive in harm
Persuasive self-pity
I be trippin
This day be slippin
Now I’m lippin
My thoughts
Onto paper
No sense
Just nonsense
A flow
A recompense
From the memories
From the pain

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This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Creating A Monster

Take away a man’s hope
and lace him up with dope.

Abuse him as a child
and expose him to the wild.

Show him that God does not exist
and remove all reasons to persist.

Put him under significant pressure
and reveal the joys of cardinal pleasure.

Add to that some mental illness
as fractured minds increase in willingness.

Explain that societal rules are collective fiction
that everyone follows with utmost conviction.

Tell him to observe and play the game
to patiently wait until it’s time to take aim.

Indoctrinate him into an extreme ideology
Explain all injustice through the lens of this philosophy.

Teach him that bad people only get punished in stories
and that in reality they die old, basking in glories.

Finally, give him the ability to read and learn.
Now there’s nothing left to do, but watch the world burn.

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This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

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A Flower

A flower blooms,
Its beauty unrecognised.
No depth, no feeling,
Only cold calculation, a knowing.

This is life without meaning,
Two-dimensional reality. Fact.

Who am I to deserve this?
Who am I not to?

The flower dies,
Its decay unrecognised.
Just another shade of grey,
Colouring this dull world.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

The Barrier

Everyone is talking,
Yet I can’t comprehend a thing.
I hear the words. See their lips move.
It falls on deaf ears. It makes no sense.
I nod and smile hoping to get it right.
‘Yes sir’, ‘No sir’, ‘Three bags full sir’.

I hope that was correct, not that it matters.
I can’t empathise with their displeasure.
They all speak in fast-forward,
Gibberish and rhyme.
It’s hopeless. The entire message is lost on me.
From the gist, down to each subtle nuance.
‘Yes sir’, ‘No sir’, ‘Three bags full sir’.

There is a barrier between us.
An invisible wall,
Filtering and coercing the message.
Are you talking to me?
What are you trying to say?
I put on my mask and begin to act.
It’s working, they believe me!
I’ve almost convinced myself.
Then they ask a question.
‘Yes sir’, ‘No sir’, ‘Three bags full sir’.

I am perplexed at their every word.
There is no context, no reason, no flow.
They come to me for advice, seemingly
Wanting me to act and put on a show.
What are they asking?
Why would they ask me? How can I respond?
I try to understand.
I ask questions and give advice.
I hope this is what you are wanting.
I hope it’s what you need.
‘Yes sir’, ‘No sir’, ‘Three bags full sir’.

Suddenly they are yelling at me,
Upset and displeased.
I can’t remember what I have done, or why
I’m wrong. I just know I am.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’

I see disappointment and shame in their eyes.
How can I fix this? How can I make it better?
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’
Attempting to explain is useless,
A waste of time.

I can’t understand them, nor they me.
I beg and plead as best I can,
Praying that they give me another chance.
‘Yes sir’, ‘No sir’, ‘Three bags full sir’.
‘Yes sir’, ‘No sir’, ‘Three bags full sir’.
‘Yes sir’, ‘No sir’, ‘Three bags full sir’.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

The Precipice

I asked myself ‘Who am I?’
This is what came to me.
Then every moment of my life
Flashed before my eyes.
I was both watching it
And was the watching of it.
As I recognised each moment, it fell away.
Burnt into the fire of consciousness.
It was beautiful, terrifying, surreal.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Spiralling Into Darkness

The clarity of the past is blinding,
With ill-conceived words
And deeds now binding.

Longing for a change inside and out,
All I’m left with now is doubt.

Spiralling into darkness,
The void is all I see,
The world is falling down,
Dropping on top of me.

Any feeling is a good feeling,
Bleeding just for the sensation,
Bleeding to feel alive again.

I’m sick of all the trying,
Sick of all the crying,
Sick of everything that I ever was.

All I want to do is let it go,
Not let it show and forget about the rest.

Spiralling into darkness,
The void is consuming me,
The world crashing down,
Tumbling towards me.

What is right or wrong no longer matters, Black and white look the same in darkness.

You think I care, but I don’t,
You think I’ll cry but I won’t.

The problems we once shared
Mean nothing to me now.
Your vanity is shameful,
Your ignorance boundless.

Spiralling into darkness,
The void has engulfed me;
The world has been brought down
And is now smothering me.

Take me away, get me out of myself,
Just one moment of respite is all it will take.
I can only be stretched so far,
Pushed until I break.

To the memories that shape me,
To the memories that remind me,
To the memories that haunt me
To the scars that remain

I’m done.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Obsession

Using words for expression,
A curing pain session,
My inner mind’s compression,
With anxiety, rumination and depression,
It’s an obsession,
A self-destructive messin’
Around, with pills or a knife,
Ideation of death is rife,
Friends and family feeling my strife,
I got them worried ‘bout my life,
But I am fine,
Words help me shine,
No longer stuck in a confine,
Like a farmer’s favourite bovine,
That’s escaped the plot,
Mental clarity I’ve now got,
Pen in hand, my afflictions are shot,
Now I’m free to write my own plot,
Dream following,
Ego swallowing,
Heart opening,
Pain forgoing,
With a pen in hand,
And paper I brand,
Myself anew in this land,
Here I stand.

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This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Don't Worry About Me

What's wrong, are you ok?
Why don't you come out and play?
Laugh, smile and have some fun.
It is just wonderful here in the sun!

Take a chance, live a little and smile.
You know we're only here for a little while.
You’re missing out on love, adventure and life.
We never see you, are you in strife?

Don't worry about me, I'm just tired.
I will be ok, just wait another day.
It is nothing I assure you.
Would you believe it’s a cold or flu?

Come, let's dance! Be moved and swirled!
Take a chance and step out into the world.
Run and fly until your heart’s content,
Make sure that your life is well spent.

Come and see a movie;
Or watch the waves hit the shore.
You will have a good time,
Just step out the door.

The day is almost over,
The sun is now setting.
Leave no stone unturned,
Don't leave this world regretting.

Don't worry about me, I'm just tired.
I will be ok, just wait another day.
It is nothing I assure you.
Would you believe it’s a cold or flu?

Please, I want to see you,
I miss what we once had.
Have I done something to offend you?
Did I make you mad?

I don’t know how to help you,
I am at my wits end.
Please don’t forget that
I have always been your friend.

How about we stay in tonight,
Why don’t I come to you?
There will be nothing for you to prepare,
Nothing you have to do.

We can simply order takeaway,
Watch the same old show,
And when you tell me to leave,
I promise to go.

Don't worry about me, I'm just tired.
I will be ok, just wait another day.
It is nothing I assure you.
Would you believe it’s a cold or flu?

Don't worry about me, really, I’m fine.
I stayed up too late, there’s a lot on my plate.
I don’t know what else I can say,
Just believe me; and please go away.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Choose Wisely

Why do you think
It will be ok?
Because thinking so
Takes your anxiety away.

How do you know
It won’t happen to you?
Because knowing so
Is all you can do.

What makes you certain
It won’t be a bad day?
Because you get down
On your knees and pray.

You don’t even believe
In the power of positive thought,
If it were someone else,
You’d say their methods wrought.

That they are just
As likely as another,
To undergo pain, loss,
And oh yes, to suffer.

Yet for you, you permit yourself
This one kind of fiction,
Because it allows you to function
With renewed conviction.

But what happens when
The charms and mind games fail?
What will happen when
Life causes you to wail?

Don’t you go thinking
That these words are lies,
That the message here
Is something to despise.

It is merely a warning
To get your house in order,
Because eventually life
Will throw it into disorder.

Look up the numbers
Apply them to your life,
Statically speaking,
You will go through similar strife.

But it doesn’t feel this way,
You are somehow special,
That’s just your ego talking,
With the words of the devil.

You will reap what you sow,
Getting what you deserve,
The actions you take now,
Dictate what life will serve.

Look at your past and trace life back,
What you did then put you on this track.

So choose wisely.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Flashback

There’s nowhere you can run to,
Nowhere you can hide,
Not when your problems
Are coming from inside.

You cannot escape them,
You cannot leave,
Now that blood is
Running down your sleeve.

Don’t try to face me,
Don’t try to hide,
Mummy, Daddy,
Why weren’t you by my side?

Do I want to sober up,
Or do I want to die?
Blank memories. Pain.
Watching his hand touch up my thigh.

I couldn’t say no,
I couldn’t flee,
Nothing I tried
Broke his hold of me.

Years have passed,
But his grip remains,
He took my body,
My soul, my brains.

So now I’m sitting here,
Stoned and alone,
Trying to remember
If I have ever felt at home.

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This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Rejection

You are not what I am wanting.

Don’t offer to change.
The desire to change yourself
Is itself off-putting.

I know myself well enough
To know what I want;
And what I want is not to be found in you.

This isn’t to be lamented,
Mourned or concerned.
But to be celebrated.

Because if I had you as you are,
I wouldn’t be happy.
If you were to change, you wouldn’t be happy.

By taking you,
It would be as to someone else
Not having you.

This someone would find affection,
Where I see only flaws.
Would find joy, where I see annoyance.

A union should be frictionless.
Two pieces of a puzzle coming together,
Not a round peg, conforming to a square hole.

Don’t get me wrong,
This is not a criticism of you in any way.
You are perfect, but simply not perfect for me.

You are what someone is wanting;
And in turn you are wanting that someone.
But that someone is not me,

And you can never be my someone.

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This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.

Dissociation

I see myself, and I see myself seeing myself;
Trapped in an infinite regress.
Triggered.
I don’t know what I am,
Other than, that I am the ‘other’.
Separated.
I sit in the eye of the storm,
Enjoying the false calm.
Rumination.
Picking the poison to escape my mind;
My father’s curse, passed down to me.
Stoned.
I should lean towards hope,
Look to the light.
Futility.
These words have no meaning,
I am incapable of giving them any.
Numb.
No happy ending, no fresh beginning;
Just nothingness.
Life.

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This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.