A Moment Fragmented

A moment fragmented
Against a lifetime
Of similar moments

A life shattered
Well before it’s time

Those moments
Replayed, rewound, and reworked

Those moments reconstructed
Into a tolerable shadow

Forever following
Forever protecting
Forever warning

Forever recalling
Those moments
Where life was fragmented

Forever forestalling
Advancement and growth

Forever focusing
Upon the past
And everything it implies
About the future

Another moment
Another fragmentation
Another destruction
Another shadow
Another protection
Another warning
Another follower

Just more weight
To carry into the future
Just more weight
To hold me in place
Just more weight
To remember

Just more
Just another

Just me
Reliving a moment

All those moments
Again

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This poem is from the book, ‘A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken’.

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Songbird

Do I miss you
Or what you used to do?
Under the sheets,
Together we flew.

You were always so willing
For my desires to be fulfilling.
Without even asking,
Your every movement thrilling.

But now when I think back
All I feel is a lack.
I miss the opportunity to explore,
While resenting the sexual flashback.

Soon, I will find someone new
And replace the thoughts of you.
We will explore and play
We will love and screw.

But as good as that will be
Our connection will land differently.
She won’t be you,
Despite thoroughly satisfying me.

Please don’t get me wrong
When she goes I’ll miss her song.
Your tune and hers will entwine,
And I will not be strong.

No, flashbacks will still come,
You and her in a nightly scrum.
Memories of us fucking on replay
Leaving me numb.

Will I miss her,
Or how she used to purr?
Our nights outside together
Playing exhibitionist and voyeur.

But of course, there will be a third
To play with me and a safe word.
That tune needs another instrument,
Perhaps I’ll nickname her songbird.

You three together in my mind
Imagining our loving combined.
I’ll have us doing things we never dared.
Our sessions will no longer be confined.

Reality will become inspiration,
A fantastic memory dilation.
None of you alone could ever match
My new internal fixation.

In my mind you will forever be staying,
Forever teasing and forever slaying.
Forever I will have you nearby,
And forever your song will be playing.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Kink, Volume 2’

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Memories Compress

Memories compress,
In the recess of the mind.
Thoughts confined,
By the passing of time.

A shine dedicated
To a past divine.
The horrors expressed
So totally mine.

Waiting untouched,
A defensive confine.
Dissociated reality,
A false sublime.

Seen from above,
I’m left in a bind.
A fist is raised,
Told to stay in line.

Flashes of vision,
Pain a bright shine.
A hollow city,
Dysfunctional and blind.

Memory as a curse,
A picture of crime.
Cause and effect,
We’re both doing time.

It’s all guess work,
Just a twisted game,
Played against the self,
On the battleground of shame.

I don’t know much,
My brain is maimed.
Functional enough
To get itself tamed.

Forever questioning,
Looking to blame.
No way to win,
Just playing the game.

Victory is simple,
Just stave off dying.
Survive the day,
Then breakdown crying.

Because memories compress,
Forgotten with time.
Until you’re stupid enough,
To open your mind.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

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Flashback

There’s nowhere you can run to,
Nowhere you can hide,
Not when your problems
Are coming from inside.

You cannot escape them,
You cannot leave,
Now that blood is
Running down your sleeve.

Don’t try to face me,
Don’t try to hide,
Mummy, Daddy,
Why weren’t you by my side?

Do I want to sober up,
Or do I want to die?
Blank memories. Pain.
Watching his hand touch up my thigh.

I couldn’t say no,
I couldn’t flee,
Nothing I tried
Broke his hold of me.

Years have passed,
But his grip remains,
He took my body,
My soul, my brains.

So now I’m sitting here,
Stoned and alone,
Trying to remember
If I have ever felt at home.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’

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