Finding Peace Through Perspective
/This poem and discussion are from the book Reflections of the Self, The Poetry, Insights and Wisdom of Silence
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Image by David Mark from Pixabay
Two leaves float down a river,
Pulled by the current of life.
Sometimes they take the same path,
Sometimes the river splits them up.
Yet even when apart,
They travel together.
Because all paths lead to the source,
Still, each journey may vary.
Where one leaf faces rocks and rapids,
The other leaf faces calm tranquillity.
Where one leaf feels the warmth of the sun,
The other leaf is beaten by rain.
At times, all leaves get stuck,
Blocked by debris or caught on a bank.
Or pulled under the surface and trapped.
At these times the leaves must wait.
Wait for another to knock it free.
Or for the flow to clear the way.
Or for the slow push of time itself,
To gently alter the river’s shape.
Then the leaves will float once more,
This interruption quickly forgotten,
Because the destination is the same,
No matter which path it took.
—
All paths lead to the source.
Still, each journey may vary.
A quick review of our past reveals many moments of joy and positivity; times when things just worked. When a failure came, it did not break us. We picked ourselves back up, learnt a lesson, and pushed forward. Similarly, we can look back and see expanses of misery and suffering. Times where we were down and out, at rock bottom and struggling. There were occasional wins, yet these barely succeeded in moving the needle.
Peace comes when we can recognise the trend of our lives as it is happening. To see that the ups and downs we are currently experiencing are temporary, and that good or bad, this too shall pass.
Where one leaf faces rocks and rapids,
The other leaf faces calm tranquillity.
I tend to get carried away by my victories. On the back of a win, whether it be sporting, personal, or business, I overbook myself, or set goals that are far out of reach. Then, as the days turn to weeks, I ‘sober up’. The rush of endorphins stop, and I check into the mountain of new goals and responsibilities that I have taken on board and balk. Quickly, I become overwhelmed with the workload and crumble.
Clearly this is not ideal.
There is a temptation to paint our entire future through the lens of the present. To assume that it will always be as it is. This can lead to a false read on reality; one that is entirely pessimistic or far too optimistic.
Balance is key.
I am not suggesting that we should always be putting a dampener on our wins. We should revel in victory and embrace the positivity, joy and good feelings that come. But we should however keep in mind the transient nature of our moods, energy levels and fortunes. We should review our pasts to reveal the trend of our lives, focusing on the long-term movements over the daily rollercoaster of emotionality.
The euphoria of a win may cause us to take on far more than we can realistically handle. When on top of the world, we feel like we can accomplish anything. The truth is that we can’t. I am not saying that we shouldn’t aim high, or that we need to limit ourselves. Rather, we need to realise that our current mood can and will change.
When the high wears off, all we are left with is discipline, routine, and the day to day grind. That is the person that will live in the future we are deciding for ourselves now. What can that person accomplish? Where should that person focus their energy?
Where one leaf feels the warmth of the sun,
The other leaf is beaten by rain.
Similarly, we should not assume that our negative mood following a failure will last. After a mental health breakdown, an issue at work, a loss, or any sort of setback, pessimism can creep in. These feelings can paint the world black, leaving the future to seem like a desolated wasteland of lost hope.
What is the point? I am just going to fail again.
I always come to regret my decision making when it is done in these kinds of mental states. I have been known to bail on connections, shirk responsibility, and believe myself to be far less capable than I really am. This has cost me countless opportunities, both personal and professional.
At times, all leaves get stuck,
Blocked by debris or caught on a bank.
The solution is to observe the trends of our lives. To ignore the outliers and to delay making life decisions until we are in a calm, detached and neutral mental state. This skill can be developed with practice. It involves taking the emotionality out of the moment and replacing it with cold logic. One that considers the fact that we are at our core, emotional beings. If we know we are likely to make poor decisions in the heat of the moment, we need to train ourselves to stop, wait, detach, and then decide.
Sleep on it.
Wait until we are detached enough to be sure that we will not take on too much, or sell ourselves short. This may mean that we replace the instantaneous ‘yes or course I will’ and the ‘no, not a chance’, with the non-committal ‘I am not sure right now, let me think about it and get back to you’.
Two leaves float down a river,
Pulled by the current of life.
Just as our personal fortunes will vary, so too will the fortunes of those around us. At times, our experiences will mirror theirs. We share in the joys of raising a family, or in the abundance granted from personal and business successes. At other times we mourn a collective loss, or fret together at the unknowns of the future. At these times of connection, good or bad, we are blessed with a feeling of community. The knowledge that others are walking with us. We know that people can, will, and are acknowledging the realities of our lives. We feel seen. We feel like we belong. Despite potential hardships and emotionality that comes with it, we know that we are not alone in our suffering; and that knowledge sustains us.
Sometimes they take the same path,
Sometimes the river splits them up.
Yet there are times when we are suffering through a special kind of hell, the kind where we can see heaven just by turning our heads. When our family, neighbours, or co-workers are on an up, and we are not.
It is then that we must act with faith; realise that there is a lag between actions and results. One session in the gym will not produce any noticeable changes. In order to achieve gains, we need to turn up every day and lift. Even so, we won’t notice any changes in strength or looks for months. It takes time for the benefits of our newfound fitness habits to manifest themselves into reality. In a way, hitting the gym is an act of faith. The fitness fanatic lifts each day knowing that eventually they will be rewarded for their actions.
We must approach all of life’s challenges in the same way; one step at a time, acting with faith now to receive a future reward. Meditation, education, and every other self-improving action will not produce an immediate impact but will instead have cumulative benefits.
Consistent work will produce desirable results.
At times, all leaves get stuck,
Blocked by debris or caught on a bank.
Or pulled under the surface and trapped.
At these times the leaves must wait.
Sometimes we will face insurmountable obstacles, and it is at these times that we must wait with faith. For loss, a breakup, and a death, nothing can be done to rectify the deficit. Therefore, we need to look to others for assistance. To ask for support and guidance, to seek the wisdom of those who have travelled a similar path of loss, and to walk in their footsteps towards recovery; and likely towards a new normal.
Fighting will not help. Acceptance is the key. To be clear, this is not synonymous with being happy that our lives have changed, but rather an acknowledgement of our new normal; one with a distinct hole, full of pain and emotionality.
From such a place of acceptance, healing can occur.
We will not forget our losses, and time will not heal all wounds. Rather, time will give us some distance. At first a single breath of peace, then eventually days, weeks and years. Grief will come in waves. So powerful that at first you will feel like you are drowning, but slowly you will learn to manage the swell. You will start to keep your head above water and swim. Eventually you will learn to surf. True, you will occasionally fall off, but by then you will know how to get back on the board and keep paddling.
Wait for another to knock it free.
Or for the flow to clear the way.
Or for the slow push of time itself,
To gently alter the river’s shape.
On the other hand, when things are going well for ourselves it is all too easy to purposefully ignore or unintentionally forget the suffering of those around us.
It would not be hard to look upon others, see their struggles and failures and judge them. To compare the results of their life with ours and simply walk on, thinking ‘I made it, why can’t they?’. From there it is a small step to assume that they deserved their current fate. This line of reasoning is reductive, toxic, and ultimately undesirable, both for society at large, and for you as an individual.
By thinking and acting this way, you are likely to project a similar brand of Machiavellianism onto all who you meet. And when you judge the world to be selfish and self-serving, you are likely to receive such judgements back. This is a zero-sum game, one that you will eventually lose; you may be winning now, but there will come a time when you won’t be.
Of course, everyone needs to have some level of self-efficacy and agency, and there needs to be consequences for poor choices. Yet it is ignorant to assume that your current success is the soul product of individual action. In the same way that you may have benefited from or been limited by, your birthplace, personal circumstances, parents, gender, ethnicity, genetics, and a plethora of other factors beyond your control, so too is everyone else. To get to this place of positivity, at one time or another you needed help. Advice, support, guidance, instruction, or capital was given, and you used it to prosper.
So if you see someone in a hole, do not get down in there with them. Instead throw them a ladder and let them climb out. Show them the path you are taking and let them walk. Give them the gentle nudge of support that you received, and the suggestion that when they can, they pay it forward as you have.
Then the leaves will float once more,
This interruption quickly forgotten,
Because the destination is the same,
No matter which path it took.
All life ends at the same place. Regardless of our fortunes, eventually we will all pass. It is the recognition of our collective mortality that can ultimately bring us closer. The knowledge that despite the surface differences of religion, ethnicity, or language, we will all face suffering, yet despite that suffering we all have the capacity for love, connection, and growth.
Yet even when apart,
They travel together.
This poem and discussion are from the book Reflections of the Self, The Poetry, Insights and Wisdom of Silence