Sex Toys, Shame and Making Your Man Moan

Sadly, shame and sex go hand in hand.

Society seems to want to vilify all forms of desire and lust, while simultaneously using those very natural pulls to sell everything.

The lesson we hear loud and clear is that sex is something to hide, something to relegate to the dark parts of our minds, something to secretly lust over in shame.

Sure, you can satisfy yourself, but then you become one of ‘those’ people. A freak, a slut, a whore, a deviant. Someone who sits on the fringes of society, finding pleasure in perversion.

Yet we also get mixed messages.

Blogs, magazines, movies, and other media talking about how to ‘have the best sex of our life’. About the G-spot, the O-spot, and any number of other spots, that like some kind of video game cheat code, if we happen to push, rub, stroke or lick in the correct order, the orgasm will be unlocked, and we will ‘win’ the game.

Popular music is rampant with explicit lyrics and choreography which would have been considered far to NSFW to be played on tv 20 years ago and considered pornography 50 years before that.

Somehow it is okay to listen and watch, but not okay to act like that. Society has us celebrating the liberation of others whilst we continue to shun ourselves into a life of repression and pleasure less nights.

Clearly, something is wrong here.

But fortunately, we (all of us) are now able push back against the machine, push back against the amorphous, nameless entity that vaguely defines what is ‘socially acceptable’, that poisons our mind from the inside, causing us to hold back, to not embody our truth, and to live a stunted sexual life.

In your hands, right now, is a device capable of broadcasting to a potentially unlimited audience.

You can share your message with the world.

All you need do, is choose to post, choose to face the shame and share. Choose to express to the world the inner workings of your mind.

This won’t feel natural, or easy, or ‘good’, at least not at first. Your mind will SCREAM at you to stop. You will hyper-inflate every instance of negative feedback and comment. Every instance of tone and body language will be interpreted as an attack, and you will crave returning back to the little ball of shame - the safe space of shame and conformity. You can stay there of course, but you know what that place will give you; The same boring life. The same boring sex. The same repressed thoughts. The same confusion at the hypocrisy of a hyper-sexualised media clashing with societies traditional morality. The same self-shame for wanting more than the bare minimum necessary for procreation.

Sure, you can stay there. But not me.

I choose to share. To express my truth. To embody my sexuality and to encourage others to do the same. 40000 Instagram followers and podcast listeners appreciate what I am doing. The erotic poetry book reviews speak for themselves.

They see me standing up and sharing and feel safe enough to do the same. I don’t downplay the impact upon my life. This has literally cost me my job - people simply cannot handle a liberated, open and honest discussion of sex.

Their minds, in an attempt to avoid the cognitive dissonance of their own unsatisfied life, blame and label others as sinful and worthy of being shamed - when our only crime is speaking what most of use are feeling;

‘Sex is fun, natural, and should be explored and enjoyed. Provided there is informed, enthusiastic, consent, everything should be permitted and perhaps encouraged’

To this end, I want to push for the increased usage of male sex toys - flesh-lights, vibrators, auto stimulators, butt plugs, and every other variation out there.

Take a moment and check into the feelings that arise at the concept of male sex toys. Notice the shame, the stigma, the icky feelings that just spring into existence?

Where did they come from? Do you believe them, or is that society speaking through you?

“The first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.” - Anon

It’s time to push back against those thoughts. If you are a man, or have a man in your life, buy them something to play with. Why should men be denied the pleasure of vibration, lubrication, and external sources of sexual exploration?

Why? Because they can ‘easily’ and ‘quickly’ use their hands? Because it’s ‘gross?’. Because it’s not ‘manly’. Because of they don’t ‘deserve’ it?

Not gonna lie, I LOVE using the ‘ninja’. It has a strong vibration setting, and is easy to clean. Alone it’s more fun than my hand, and with a partner adding their mouth or hands to certain areas, my mind is repeatedly blown.

I have partnered with Honey Play Box, to give you 20% off their entire range (use coupon code ‘kinky’ at check out). So do yourself a favour, take a look, buy something that vibrates, and play.

Each enhanced orgasm you receive will serve as a fuck you to the shame that society will suggest you should be feeling.

Each time you turn on the vibration and in turn, turn yourself on, you are pushing back against the narratives that have been holding you back.

Each time you show your new toy to a play partner, you will not only be enhancing their experience, but helping to spread the message that sex is something to be celebrated, in all its forms.

And ladies, if you have a man, and want to spoil him. Buy him this, and surprise him with it. His moans of pleasure will be thanks enough, but when he returns the favour, your moans will represent the dividends of the best investment you’ve made this year.

Here’s to unlocking your sexuality!

I write erotic poetry and fiction, check it out on my substack!