The Vulnerability Of Creativity

Why writing a web comic is harder than writing about trauma

Would you believe that writing a webcomic is harder than writing about childhood trauma?

Because in my experience, the act of pure creativity is magnitudes harder than writing therapy.

Let me explain.

I started writing with my book ‘Under The Influence Reclaiming My Childhood’, here I chronicled the worst experiences of my life as the son of a mentally ill addict and dealer.

I wrote about times when I was abused and neglected, and what it felt like. I wrote about the pain of recovery and ownership of my past.

I wrote about healing.

This process wasn’t easy. Each chapter felt like I was cleaning an old wound with alcohol. Cutting away the dead flesh and stitching myself up.

Yet despite how personal the content is, the simple fact is that it is all true.

No reader can deny any word or feeling I share. I was writing from memory and experience with the purpose of healing and growth, both for myself through expression and my readers through connection and comfort that they are not alone with their thoughts and similar responses to trauma.

Writing ‘How To Get Your Sh!t Together’ and ‘Mindfulness: A Guidebook to the Present Moment’ was more difficult, but still easier than a web comic.

With these books I was teaching something: self-help or meditation. So as long as I did my research, used concise langue, and formatted it accessibly, the job was done.

Readers may disagree with the methods or theory, but it felt like I was detached from most of the criticism - I could pretend that the topic wasn’t for them, or that they are not in the right stage of life to ‘get it’.

My ego could still weasel its way out of taking damage.

But with pure creativity there is no escape.

Creating art is an act of vulnerability. True, ‘Depresso Espresso’ is a mere webcomic. But in it I am laying myself bare in ways I never have done before.

I’m sharing my humour. I am trying to make the reader laugh, cry, or stop and think. I am attempting to change their emotional state.

I am attempting to make something they like.

In this, my ego has no escape. Depresso Espresso will either be liked or it won’t be.

People will laugh at it and share, or they will laugh at me. Or worse still they will simply ignore it.

While it is true that all of my work could be treated with similar indifference, this webcomic feels different.

It feels different because my intentions are different and because I have hope.

I know that ‘Under The Influence’ will not be read widely. It is too depressing and personal to appeal to most people.

I think that over time ‘How To Get Your Sh!t Together’ and ‘Mindfulness: A Guidebook to the Present Moment’ will do well (they are selling 7 books a day at this stage), but these are a slow burn, relying on word of mouth from people who, like me, have or are struggling with inner demons.

Once again, this isn’t the stuff of mass appeal. If you want self-help or meditation guidance they are great resources, but I know that the majority of people don’t.

But everyone wants to laugh, and everyone shares, tags, and comments with content online. And they do so with comics that are very similar to my own.

Thus I will know, definitively, if I am able to make something of worth. The market (you dear reader) will decide.

This scares the shit out of me.

Fortunately all that healing, self-help, and mindfulness meditation has done something. Despite my fears, I am now able to give it a try.

At my darkest, that toxic little voice screams for me to stop. It is my ego looking to protect itself.

I look at those feelings, investigate them, and let them have some space. I accept them. Then I use them as inspiration for my comics.

I know that if I don’t give this a try, I will never know. And I know that if I am to fail, I will have learnt many things that will help me to succeed in my next endeavour.

Like it our hate it, my ego will survive.

With that dear reader I turn it over to you. Below are thee of my personal favourites from the first 20 Depresso Espresso comics.

What do you think of them? Please let me know either way.

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Depresso Espresso is a web comic about an introverted coffee cup's attempt to understand the world.

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