Stop Worrying Because It Won't Matter In Five Years Anyway

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Will It Matter In Five Years?
- Ch: 2.9 of How To Get Your Sh!t Together -

“Life is too short for long-term grudges.” – Elon Musk

It is easy to get caught up in the emotion of the moment and then to overstate its importance.

Take being cut off in traffic as an example. The feelings of anger and self-righteousness can linger for hours. For some people, a minor incident can even lead to outbursts of yelling, hitting, swearing, anger, and even physical conflict.

But is being cut off in traffic actually a big enough deal to warrant such a response? Yes bad drivers constitute a significant hazard for all, and should of course work to improve themselves for everyone’s safety. But does your anger help in that process? Once they drive away from the incident, your reaction to it will only be noticed by you (and those around you).

Later on, the other driver will have completely moved on, but you will still be dwelling on the event.

Every single day there are countless opportunities for people, circumstances or events to derail our mental state. This could involve a pesky salesperson calling during dinner, or somebody pushing in front of us at the café. Perhaps it is the tone of voice used by a boss, or an unresolved difference of opinion with a co-worker. Maybe it is a child acting disrespectfully, or a familial disagreement. It could be the onset of another sickness or the breaking down of our cars. Even something as small as our phones running out of charge or forgetting to pack a lunch can cause significant duress.

Although it can feel like it at the time, not all problems are equally important.

When I am suffering from a mental affliction, small problems, issues, ambiguities and stressors become harder to handle. It becomes increasingly difficult to determine what is important enough to warrant my concern, and what ultimately doesn’t really matter. This is where the question ‘will it matter in five years?’ can come in handy.

If used correctly, asking this question can be a tool that can help you to detach from the emotionality of daily life stressors and to put it into perspective. This will save you a lot of useless mental anguish, and help you to focus on what actually needs your focus.

“The ‘5x5’ rule. If it is not gonna matter in five years, don’t spend more than five minutes upset by it.” – Anonymous

Asking myself if it will matter in five years has helped me to overcome hours of pointless rumination. When I ask myself this question and the answer comes up as a ‘no’, I feel immediate relief. Although I may still feel the same anger, pain, jealously, resentment, fear, concern or other negative emotions in response to an event, its strength is significantly diminished. It loses its hold on me a lot quicker.

I still get angry when I get cut off, but not as much and not for as long. I still get annoyed when a minor decision goes against me, but I know that in the long run it won’t have a lasting impact. I now spend less time and less emotional investment on most decisions. 

Asking if it will matter in five years won’t solve all your problems, or make you completely immune to emotional outbursts, rumination, or worry. But it will help you to put the events of life into perspective and allowing you some room to detach from the situation and approach it from a calmer mental state.

What Will Matter In Five Years?

There is no definitive answer to this question, as each person and situation is unique. However there are some general guidelines that you can follow to determine if it will matter.

1) Ask the question: the simplest solution is to state (out loud if needed) ‘will this matter in five years?’ If your immediate reaction is ‘no’, then trust that reaction because it likely won’t matter.

2) Look to your past: think back to when something similar had happened before and how it was resolved. Are you still impacted by it today? If the situation had worked out differently, would it matter now?

3) Consider the consequences: Using a similar approach to that in chapter 1.5 ‘Overtly State Your Anxiety’, run through the list of potential consequences to the different ways you could handle the issue. Some consequences won’t matter in five years, but some may. Choose the option that won’t be detrimental moving forward.

4) Ask someone else: often it is far easier for other people to judge if it will really matter in five years. From their detached perspective, they may be a better judge of how important the issue really is over the long term.

This exercise is a guideline, you have to take (or not take) the actions necessary depending on the answer you get. If you ask ‘will it matter in five years?’ and the answer is ‘no’, you have to have the force of will to let go and detach from the situation. This will be hard to do, particularly at first, but it will develop with time and practice. At the very least you are taking a small step to detach and give yourself some breathing room to better handle the situation.


 “Frame every so called disaster with these words: will it matter in five years?”  – Regina Brett

It is important to distinguish between one off events and ongoing issues.

While a once off rude outburst from a co-worker may not matter in five years, if it is a continual ongoing issue, it may matter. It is important to consider that action may need to be taken to address systemic issues in your life, particularly for how people close to you (family, work colleagues and friends) are treating you. If the behaviour keeps reoccurring, or if you believe that it will, it may need to be proactively addressed sooner rather than later.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: If I know that it ‘doesn’t matter’ why am I still angry?

A: We get angry, that is normal and it should be accepted. Asking if it will matter in five years is just a tool to help us to detach from that anger and to be able to let it go quicker, so that we are not so negatively impacted by it. I still get angry even though I know that it won’t matter tomorrow, let alone in five years. But the more I ask myself if it will matter, the less of a hold the anger has on me and the quicker I can return to normal functioning.

Q: I don’t know what I want in life, so how can I possibly know what will matter in five years?

A: Many of the chapters in this book particularly in parts 5 and 6 focuses on self-discovery. The more of this book you read, the more you will come to know yourself and the better you will be able to answer the question of what will matter in five years. Until then, still go through the process of asking yourself that question because by asking it you are going through the process of determining who you are and what you may want moving forward. This is always a good thing.

Resources
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck, Mark Manson

Summary
In the heat of the moment, every issue, setback and slight can seem vitally important. Ask yourself if it will matter in the long run and you will instantly detach from the situation and not be as impacted by it.