I Over Thought It

I over thought it and hurt my own feelings.
Ruminated and created some tearlings.
Them’s are tears that represent fears.
Them’s are shame and toxic self-blame.

I internalised it and took it out on you.
Rebelling and yelling that something’s ado.
‘Twas an attack that needs an unpack.
‘Twas an interrogation like presentation.

I blocked the world off and hurt myself.
Bashed and slashed at my body wealth.
That’s a knife leading to strife.
That’s a pile of pills causing ills.

I broke down and lost it all.
Cried and tried to take the last fall.
I was insane and overflowing with pain.
I was at rock bottom feeling forgotten.

I survived and came back to you wearily.
Apologising and explaining myself tearily.
The same story just more gory.
The trauma trick that I always stick.

I recovered and returned to my normal.
Flirting and fucking and acting all formal.
You said it’s okay, it was just a bad day.
You let me back in, despite all my sin.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

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In The Predawn Light

In the predawn light
the birds take flight,
taking with them
the silence of the night.

The lone dog’s bark
heralds the end of dark,
as his fellows
take up the lark.

Then comes humanity.
A din of utter profanity.
Attempting to avoid
silence induced insanity.

Until shines the moon,
bringing its silent boon.
Causing man’s return
to sleep’s blessed lagoon.

Then the nightmares come.
A calamitous thrum,
highlighting the pain
of yesterday’s sum.

The night’s confidence shaken,
peaceful sleep mistaken.
Silence only exists
at night when we awaken.

In the predawn light
the birds take flight,
taking with them
the silence of the night.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

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I’m Coming For You

It’s time I got my own
From a world that didn’t care
From a world that wasn’t home
Taken and laid bare
Taken before I had grown
My home turned into a lair
Used and left alone
But now I can share
But now I have grown
But now I will dare
To take back that loan
To make the ledgers fair

Perhaps you need a clue?
Because I still remember
Now I am coming for you
A new contender
If you only knew
That night in December
That door stepped through
Had me questioning my gender
Unsure of what was true
You took life’s splendor
Now its time for a coup
You consummate pretender
Your sins have come due
No, I won’t be tender
What I will do
Is become future’s defender

You are just a fucking mutt
Your crimes will be laid bare
Turned me into a slut
Were you so unaware?
Forced my mind shut
But I will now dare
A swift knife cut
Some pain to share
I’ll force your eyes shut
Into a death glare

I’m coming for you

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

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If You Get Too Close

If you get too close,
I’ll pull away.
If you talk too kindly,
I won’t stay.

If you push too hard,
I’ll say no.
If you stay too long,
I’ll just go.

If you try too hard,
I’ll soon leave.
If you enquire too personally,
I’ll simply deceive.

But,

If you pull away,
I’ll track you down.
If you don’t stay,
I’ll surely drown.

If you say no,
I won’t know what to do.
If you just go,
I’ll blame it all on you.

If you leave me,
you will soon see
If you deceive me,
I’ll simply plea.

Please,

That you return
and never go.
That I’ve changed,
don’t you know?

That I am
sincerely sorry.
That you don’t
need to worry.

That I am a
new man.
That I have a
mental health plan.

That I won’t
repeat the cycle.
That you are
my one true idol.

That it is your company
that I crave.
That I will worship you
to your grave.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

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I Withdraw

I withdraw,
Please don’t take it personally,
It’s just what I do
To keep myself safe.

I want you to understand.

The world is too loud,
The world is too fast,
The world is too big,
The world is too confusing.

It overwhelms me.

The endless conversations,
The unclear demands,
The double sided statements,
And the hidden intentions.

I can’t comprehend it all.

The unstated norms,
The disparate customs,
The popular trends,
And the social conventions.

There is too much pressure.

So I withdraw,
Hiding inside of myself,
Seeking a place of solitude,
Somewhere divorced from reality.

I just need time.

To rest,
To heal,
To process,
And to learn

How to function in this world.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

I Took It For Granted

My body was broken,
before I realised it was my own.

I took it for granted,
while it was slowly being taken.

I used it without thought,
I used it without comprehension,
I used it without appreciation.

Now it’s just used.

I got old,
before I realised I was ageing.

I squandered what I had,
while worrying about what I would become.

I wasted my time,
I wasted my energy,
I wasted my opportunity.

Now I’m just wasted.

My life was over,
before I realised I was living it.

I ignored reality,
but reality kept a watch on me.

I spent my time,
I spent my money,
I spent my soul.

Now I’m just spent.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

I Am A Contradiction

I am a contradiction,
A social inadequacy.
Stifled rage.
Missed opportunities.
Goals unfulfilled.
Talent unrecognised,
Talent wasted.

I am a contradiction,
A falsifiable hypothesis.
All talk.
No action.
An echo chamber.
Hypocrisy recognised,
Hypocrisy shared.

I am a contradiction,
A functional mess.
Habit forming.
Constant apologies.
A shell of shame.
Surviving the past,
Surviving the day.

I am a contradiction,
A product of chance.
Lucky guesses taken.
Sage words heard.
A creature of my environment.
Adapting to conform,
Adapting to escape.

I am a contradiction,
A point of difference.
Memories informing.
Self-educating.
Future planning.
Breaking the cycle,
Breaking myself.

I am a contradiction,
A model of possibility.
Disciplined action.
Introverted contemplation.
A father.
Driven to change,
Driven to act.

I am a contradiction,
A self-appointed leader.
Lived experience.
Proven results.
Trending upwards.
Sharing my failures,
Sharing lessons learnt.

I am a contradiction,
A hypocrite with a voice.
Soul on display.
Hunting an ideal.
Coming up short.
Finding myself,
Finding my tribe.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

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How Do I Explain This Feeling?

How do I explain this feeling?
The one that comes unwilling,
The kind that divides my mind,
And puts my words into a bind?

How do I explain this feeling?
The one that sends me reeling,
The kind that crushes my hope,
And leads me straight to dope?

How do I explain this feeling?
The one that is not appealing,
The kind that drags on all night,
And makes my personalities fight?

How do I explain this feeling?
The one that wants concealing,
The kind that highlights my shame,
And forces me to take the blame?

How do I explain this feeling?
The one that reminds me of squealing,
The kind that is on repeat,
And reminds me of my defeat?

How do I explain this feeling?
The one that leaves me milling,
The kind that takes away my aim,
And leaves my full of pain?

How do I explain this feeling?

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Holy Herb

holy herb
smoking verb
words said
brains undead
verbal loop
lyrical soup
sounds dope
words rope
hang you
bang you
fucking harangue you
now three words
these bee words
killer sting words
from my insobriety
of natural variety
green leaf society
you’re invited
i’ve co-signed it
authorised it
legalised it
for your consumption
make no assumption
join the rambunction
take actions
form fractions
fight back
talk smack
to the authorities
for breaking minorities
for setting up monopolies
it’s all for profit see?
or a prophesy
all hypocrisy
so break free
and join me
for a session
a brain compression
a synonym lesson
from the brain thesaurus
word tyrannosaurus
sorry T-Rex
yes small text
make it simple
you mental cripple
tweak your nipple
but you like it
pacify it
deny it
crucify it
hide behind it
defend it
your delusions
internal confusions
brain washed pollutions
but there’s a way out
the organic blackout
just one toke
get woke
get distributed
get herbed
get bent
on my content
on my knowledge
so pay homage
to the rhyme designator
thought penetrator
neuronal stimulator
revolution instigator
so speak clearly
beat them physically
i mean violence
broken silence
no compliance
total defiance
to their bullshit
this the new shit
the make the news shit
just commit
to revolution
the anarchist solution

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

God's Love

*** Trigger Warning ***

He told me I was special,
And gave me all the perks.
Held my hand through prayer,
And showed me how the system works.

He said it would be our little secret,
Kept between him, me, and God.
Told me that I was a good boy.
Summoned me with that little nod.

He taught me what was holy.
To trust in the divine word.
That my doubts were of the devil,
To not trust in the absurd.

He spoke of the afterlife,
Spewing words of eternal damnation.
The trials of earth trivial,
Compared to the day of revelation.

He showed me how a soft caress,
Can feel like the stab of a demon.
That he held all the power,
And that God’s love tastes like semen.

He demonstrated the church’s power,
By denying all my accusations.
How could a priest be sullied,
By a young boy’s fabrications?

He was eventually punished,
They moved him to a new town.
Gave him a new flock,
Other boy’s souls to drown.

He died as he lived,
Safe and admired,
Protected by his brethren,
A biblical patriarchy conspired.

He left me broken,
Mind, body, soul.
What he did destroyed my faith,
Leaving me not whole.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

When You Look Inside

When you look inside,
Where does your attention go?
An internal energy,
A power,
A flow.

When you observe the breath,
What do you now see?
A play of consciousness,
A freedom,
Serenity.

When you move the body,
What do you feel?
A sense of integrity,
A space,
An ideal.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

healing

sadness and joy
in the face of healing
with you
my love

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

He Leans In

He leans into life,
Taking everything on,
No half measures,
Or faked excitements.

He doesn’t lie,
Not about his feelings,
Not about his intent,
He is what he does.

Whole in every moment,
A guiding light,
A beacon of the present,
He is right there with you.

Watching you work,
Listening to your voice,
Copying your actions,
Always accepting without judgement.

He asks but one question,
Not with his words,
But with his entire being,
Do you love me as I love you?

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

God Asked

God asked the man,
Why did you choose to die?
I saw no point in existence,
I couldn’t fathom a reason why.

I couldn’t stay focused,
I couldn’t hold down work.
I’d just wait for the day to end,
to sleep away the murk.

Every day was the same,
I’d already lived it through.
What was the point of repeating
when there wasn’t anything new?

What about the small changes,
the gems of love and life?
What about the lessons learnt
from surviving hardships and strife?

True, I did feel most alive
when things were at their worst.
But how is that reason to live,
just hoping to be cursed?

I could handle the drama
but not the monotony,
nor the vagueness of existence,
nor humanity’s cacophony.

I would sit alone,
I would sit in the dark,
I would sit and listen and
my mind would remark.

Highlighting my failures,
reminding me of lost dreams.
Showing me bad outcomes
and my own devilish schemes.

Where were you God,
when I needed you the most?
Why’d you only start talking
now that I am a ghost?

I was talking the whole time.
I was in the warmth of the sun,
I was in your kid’s smiles,
their laughter and fun.

I was the crash of the waves,
the vision of the moon,
the spring flower’s scent,
the young lover’s boon.

I was the quenching of thirst,
the purr of a kitten,
the pillow at night,
the book well written.

I could go on
but I think you now know,
I was with you always,
even when you were low.

Ah God, you don’t get it,
your words were too easy to miss.
What with all the noise,
with our collective descent into the abyss.

How could I just stop and look?
How could I listen to the bird’s song?
How could I take a breath,
When everything was going wrong?

It isn’t my place to save you,
nor can I fix your life.
I can only remind you,
that there is something beyond the strife.

That even in the midst of suffering
there are small joys to behold.
But you are right my child,
perhaps I should have been more bold.

No God, I was also wrong.
You know this was my last thought,
I could fix every problem but this one.
Oh how my family will be distraught.

God thought for a moment,
then asked the man,
If I sent you back to Earth
would you change your plan?

I will do my best,
but I make no guarantee.
I will attempt to listen,
I will attempt to see.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

God Spoke

It’s easy to feel a little woke,
just after you’ve taken a toke.

To feel as if God spoke,
as if you’re the only one in on the joke,
as if you hold a beautiful truth, a fire to stoke.

Thus beseeched, you spread the message under religion’s cloak.

‘This is what you should do before you croak.’
‘This is how you should treat the downtrodden and the broke.’
‘And this is how a lady should treat her bloke.’

Some listen,
some provoke,
word spreads,
the masses convoke.

Pledging their swords,
falling under your yoke.

Pledging their houses,
their bills, and their bespoke.

Then, comes the final solution,
you begin your masterstroke.

You enlist the will of the people,
with His words you doth evoke.

You tell them your divine vision,
you tell them how you awoke,
you tell them of their enemies,
their neighbours who provoke.

Now they’re almost ready,
another push and they won’t revoke.

‘Gather the Kinsfolk
and force them to work.

In the fields and the factories,
in the forests cutting grand oak.

Make them build our weapons,
great waves of fire that will soak.

Then we’ll make our pilgrimage,
to leave nothing but smoke.

Do not hesitate to obey me.
do you think I misspoke?

Do not hesitate to obey me,
do you think my visions mere sunstroke?

Do not hesitate to obey me,
or you too will choke.’

Yes,
it is easy to feel as if God spoke.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Enraged

the world is too noisy
it asks too much
it never stops moving
and it’s never got enough

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Empires Fall

Empires fall, by the blood of friends.
Monarchs die, by the blood of friends.
Systems collapse, by the blood of friends.
Revolutions are pain.

A bullet in the back of the head for a select few, followed by starvation and desperation for millions more.

Oppression will inevitably return. The strong will rise. Self appointed kings by another name.

Hiding atrocity behind their new morals.

Hiding greed behind their new distribution methods.

Different faces.
Different words.
Same results.

Public privation.
Private ostentation.

They will tell us that the revolutionary heroes are to be honoured, but not replicated. That the time for violent action has passed. That we need to solidify our gains.

They will tell us that we are in it together. That in order to rebuild, we will all have to work. That our blood, sweat and tears are to be the mortar of the future. That our bodies are to be the stones.

They will glorify our sacrifices. A mass indoctrination of self-flagellation for the state.

Our pain will be our pleasure.
Our bond to the revolutionaries of the past.
Our holy pilgrimage.
Our right.
Our duty.
Our purpose.

We will police ourselves. Pulling down any and all who even so much as attempt to rise above the norm.

Equality of outcome for all.

Yet we will simultaneously accept our new leaders’ lavishness.

For they are men of action.

They are keeping us safe.
They are the bull front of the revolution.
They are the shield of security.
They are the sword of justice.
They protect us from the other.
They convert the heathens.
They spread the revolution.

They show us how our sacrifices at home will lead to our success globally.

They tell us that empires will fall, that monarchs will die, and that systems will collapse.

We just need to make more bullets for the backs of the heads, and more sons to put them there.

We just need to work more.
We just need to eat less.
We just need to sacrifice.

Revolutions are pain, and empires will fall.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Dissociated Rage

I wake,
Writhing against invisible bonds.
Whispered screams
Echo down the empty caverns of my mind.
The more I understand,
The more I wish for ignorance.
Pain and pleasure hurt the same,
Numbed inebriation my only relief.
Dissociated rage gives way to disjointed understandings.
Terrifying realisation gives way to impotent connections.
It hurts.
Everything hurts.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Click

Hold still. No you need to smile more.
Click.

How can a picture be perfect,
If people are perfectly posed?

How can it be a representation of reality,
When you stopped reality to create it?

How does crafting an ideal,
Justify the destruction of the moment?

And when you look back over the album
Do you think it will all be worth it?

Not like that, move over. Pause.
Click.

It didn’t just happen,
Every aspect of it contrived.

A list of people to invite,
A list of rituals to perform,
A list of words to say,
A list of food to eat,
A list of tears to shed,
A list of clothes to don,
A list of those to thank,
A list of songs to dance,
A list of jokes to play.

A list of pictures to pose,
To prove that the boxes were ticked.

A list of pictures to post,
To show that it was all done.

A list of pictures to paste,
To evoke the right emotion.

Shuffle over. Too much. Back a bit.
Click.

You got the perfect picture,
I hope it warms your heart.

You got the perfect picture,
I hope it is enough.

You got the perfect picture,
I hope you’ll get another.

You got the perfect picture,
and that’s all you’ve got.

Let’s do that again. Smile more this time.
Click.

The one you’ll show your friends,
To gloat about that perfect night.

The one you’ll show your family,
As a way to win the fight.

The one you show your kids,
To warm their darkest night.

The one you’ll show yourself,
When you want to remember it right.

Click.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.

Caged Animal

Isolation.
Pacing.
Caged.

No hunt.
No kill.
No thrill.

Domesticated.
Trained.
Punished.

I want to run.
I want to fight.
I want to fuck.

Your protection wasn’t asked for.
Your protection isn’t needed.
Your protection is a slow death.

I am safe.
Trapped behind bars.
Never missing a meal.

Stuck in a comfortable rut.
Stuck in your routine.
Stuck and on display.

Nature sanitised.
Whitewashed reality.
A parody.

Just one slip.
Just one mistake.
And you’re mine.

Devoured.
Devoured screaming.
Devoured alive.

Your fault.
You caged me.
You attempted to tame me.

You put me here.
You put me on display.
You dropped your guard.

Lulled.
Hypnotised.
Dazed.

Cornered.
Primal.
Rage.

This is evolution.
This is inevitability.
This is life.

---

This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.

Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.