a casual comment
uttered by a stranger
felt better
than an entire childhood
This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
What truth
Do you hope to find
Scrying into oblivion?
This moment
Holds more depth
Than yesterday’s silence
To search
Is to destroy
This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
Want to see?
Want to see what it’s like to be me?
Held firm
By an internal decree
A child’s plea
Begging to be understood
Begging for should
Accepting what could be done
No fun
No sun
A fantasy discarded
Lambasted
Contrasted
Plastered by a bastard
Those memories lasted
Despite all effort
Resonating through time
A drunken crime
By human slime
Barely tame
Internal shame
Contemplating blame
Dualistic probabilities
Hostilities causing liabilities
My capabilities prohibited
My disabilities exhibited
My responsibilities limited
Limitation
Commiseration
Cessation
Mental castration
Not to win
Just to fit in
To control sin
To begin again
With the chagrin of my skin
Dulled by gin
Lulled into a stupor
A survival trouper
With one mission
Granting admission
To the child within
The beguiled one
The half mild one
The defiled one
A wild one
Seeking a gun
For some momentary fun
For you, me, and everyone
Dark thoughts
A catalyst
An internal antagonist
But don’t worry
It’s just a story
A fiction
Momentary glory
A bestowment of a moment
A direct line
From a past in decline
I’m no longer prime
No longer mine
No
Please stop
Please don’t
Don’t stop?
He won’t stop
Never did
My words as memory
My words as curse
Painful flashback
Of a smack
A shack
Of blackness I can’t track
Down that path lies an abyss
Oh, so easy to dismiss
Focus on the kiss
Focus on the bliss
Just don’t reminisce
Else it’s just psychotherapy
Spoken lethargy
Pills as energy
Wills to pay the bills
Because didn’t you know the past kills?
But I’ll last
Today’s a contrast
A sky overcast
A rainbow diet, a fast
Focus on the good
Focus on the wow
Focus on the now
Problem is,
I don’t know how
Thoughts like locusts
Focused moments
Total destruction
Mental construction
Limited production
But that’s the point right?
Act tight
Think light
Avoid the night
Focus on the might
And get functional
Make my presence stomach-able
I’ll fit in
After social conditioning
Personality change
To the acceptable range
Not to what I would have been
Not to what should have been seen
Just a benchmark to glean
A dependency to wean
Getting off, on getting off
Abstaining as control
Life’s toll
So droll
A new personality
A twisted mentality
Complete with an acceptable morality
Born of brutality
A beastly formality
A childhood totality
Obsessed reality
A focus compressed
To a past expressed
As present solidarity
To the commonality
A survivor’s modality
Truth is,
I’m not alone
There are many broken homes
Many similar pleas
Boys thinking they’re she’s
Girls dreaming of degrees
Only to freeze
Triggered by a sleaze
Just a look of displease
Is all it takes
To land us back on our knees
A war eternal
Repeated in a journal
Blaming the external
For pain internal
There is no end
A rumination of pain
A brain stain
A drain of focus
A struggle to attain
To abstain
Life’s a circle
A cycle to break
To break-free of
So, the question remains
Do you still want to know me?
Do you still want to see?
Or is this all just a fantasy?
A compassionate conspiracy
Or an unwitting enquiry
Just back out politely
That’s what I do
Dissociative mental crew
Dig deep
Mental leap
Back to the creep
Back to me feeling like sheep
Just another cheap reap
Just another statistical bleep
I weep
Hiding in sleep
Hiding in myself
With a cold disposition
To your inquisition
And sanitised a presentation
A social prohibition
A DSM condition
My worst symptom?
Oversharing admission
A granted commission
Disguised by a mission of ambition
To thrive
To survive
To stay alive
Ah,
Such lofty goals
How I can be so blithe?
This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
Why does it feel like I’m all alone?
Like my house isn’t my home,
Like I’m running from the unknown?
Why does it feel like it shouldn’t be this way
Like my nerves are on display,
Like I’m living as prey?
Why does it feel like my mind’s full of trash?
Like my intentions are ash,
Like I’m hoarding my father’s stash?
Why does it feel like I’m under attack?
Like my actions lack,
Like I’m waiting for a smack?
Why does it feel like it will never end?
Like my words offend,
Like I’m expected to pretend?
Why does it feel like everyone is lying?
Like my dreams are dying,
Like I’m only supported when crying?
Why does it feel like these words aren’t enough
Like my life isn’t so rough,
Like I’m creating demons from fluff?
Why does it feel like I’m a total fraud?
Like my soul just wants you to applaud,
Like I’m fundamentally flawed?
This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
what we had
together
was but a pleasant dream
real
only while asleep
yet merely
a phantasm
upon waking
your perfume
forgotten
a nightly fancy
turned nightmare
the stark morning light
now
smells grim
upon waking
This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
something
must be wrong
with you
how else
would you
see worth
in me
This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
Grimy, gross, and greasy,
The god of gluttony gesticulates gladly,
‘Eat me, enjoy me, immerse yourself in me.
For I am what you want.
For I am what you desire’.
Guilt and pleasure stand side by side,
Beckoning you to consume more.
The delicious poison tempts,
Tantalises, and teases your tastebuds.
Tactically taunting,
Telling your tummy that it's almost time.
Quickly,
You take your first bite and think,
‘Meh it’s alright’.
But then it hits you,
The cravings pull you in.
The voice of reason says,
‘No, never, no more, no way, not again!’
But you can’t stop.
It’s already too late.
It’s got you.
You're hooked,
Addicted,
Dependant,
Strung out.
Your family and friends begin to fret.
With added fervour they furiously try to force
feed you fantastically fresh fruit.
This attempt is frivolous,
The fructose filled feast fails.
You feign interest and say,
‘Fair thee well’.
For your heart, mind, and soul will now, and forever be, a consumer.
The fast food has you.
It's yours and you’re its.
An unholy matrimony,
A marriage of consumption,
And you don't want a divorce.
Till death do you part.
So, act now or forever hold your peace.
This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
You say you love me,
But you don’t know me,
Not the full me,
Not every part of me,
Not as I really am.
You say I should open up,
That I should share,
That I should let you in,
Into my inner world,
Into my mind, my emotions, my everything.
You say you will accept me,
But that’s a lie,
You don’t know me,
Not all of me,
Not the parts you haven’t seen.
Do you know yourself well enough?
How will you react to me?
What will you do when I show you?
What will you think of my darkness?
My pain? My weaknesses? My desires?
No.
You only accept the parts you’ve seen.
Then you make assumptions,
Of yourself,
And of me.
That I’m not that bad,
That there isn’t much more,
That embarrassment holds me back,
That you can save me,
And that you would want to.
It is safer to hide,
To show a just little,
Just the parts that are acceptable,
The parts I have practiced,
The parts that work.
You don’t love me,
You just love those parts,
You just love the surface,
Your love hasn’t touched the depths,
It never will.
This poem is from the book, ‘Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
dear little part of me
you are safe and you are free
i know for years i didn’t see
just how much you kept my safety
you acted bravely
you kept watch gravely
forced to wield the sword and the shield
and the armour of a lady
but i need you to know
those times have now long past
we can breathe and break our fast
we can live and love and laugh
we can finally rest at last
that it’s safe for you to let go
safe to play and safe to be free
it’s safe for you to be you
and me to be me
i know for years I didn’t see
what you did for us
what you did for me
but i do now
so you can release
but i do now
so we can walk together in peace
This poem is inspired by the book, ‘How To Write Evocative Poetry’.
You can read some chapters from the book, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
I hear you in the lyrics of a song.
I feel you in the kiss of cold wind.
I see you in a starry night sky.
I taste you in a bite of sweet fruit.
I smell you in an ocean breeze.
I sense you deep within.
I have received all I asked of you and more.
Yet doubt continues to haunt me.
Expectations cloud your true nature.
You are not what others say.
Words cannot convey the
Intricacy of your message.
Emotion, feeling and intuition
Serve you better.
You talk in subtlety and rhyme.
Gentle guidance that’s often overlooked.
Saying not what I want to hear,
But what I need to.
I follow as best I can,
I’m sorry for my failures.
I stand at the edge of a cliff.
Please catch me,
Help me to fly.
I let it go and just feel.
This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.
I close my eyes.
Where once there was vividness
There is now a vague blur.
Stories and visions intermingle
A kaleidoscope of confusion.
Words and non-words alike
Are spoken and responded to.
The allure of reality is lost,
Replaced by the bliss of the abyss.
The joy of not knowing
Is ever more tempting.
Closing my eyes to avoid it all,
To get to where release was once felt.
But no more.
The avalanche of memory greets me.
I cannot escape the pain inside.
I long to let it go.
To let it all go.
This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.
The world is a mirror to your soul,
Your happiness will be shown
On the faces of strangers,
Your fear will flicker in their eyes,
Your hope will express itself
In the poetry you read, as too will your ills.
The mirror rejects what you are not,
Thus the world will always be you,
In this way you are trapped,
Rejecting love when you need it most,
And the advice you most need to hear.
Yet you are not stagnant,
And neither is the mood of the world,
What happens in one, distorts the other,
Words can scratch, and actions can crack,
So keep a watch on its surface,
And a polishing rag in hand.
Realise that the mirror is in fact imperfect,
Subject to change, manipulation and control,
Those reflections are more than phantasms,
They have a force that can break.
So watch the mirror,
Be on guard against its influence,
But also influence your guard,
For your actions may inadvertently
Shatter someone’s soul.
This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.
A mirror reflects differently,
Backwards, reversing your stare.
What's dark out here is light in there.
With pain on my face I look away.
Make it stop! Get rid of it, now! Today!
I peel away the face off my skin.
My mask is gone, the blackness glares, Tunneling further in.
Digging, chewing, boring its way deeper.
I fall to my knees, feeling hollow and weaker.
The bridge in my dreams,
Becomes the place I take flight.
This is where it ends,
Now, this night.
Bound and restricted, both heavy and light.
My mind and body have all but lost the fight.
Will a light come to save me?
Or forsaken will I remain,
Alone and insane?
This poem is from the book, ‘Words On A Page’
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, or Audiobook.
the toxic nightmare
the dream that traps you
into believing you’re awake
that lets you live your fantasy
for just long enough
to taste heaven
but not long enough
to be satiated
before you are wretched
back into reality
by a chiding laugh
laced with criticism
for being so gullible
as to believe
you deserve
happiness
let alone a beautiful dream
This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
how am i really?
do you mean in general
or in the moment of response?
that brief moment
when we must somehow summarise
contrasting the darkness of the shadow
against the brilliance of the light
with just one word
i’m ‘good’
you?
This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
i see a tsunami approaching
and i know
if i start drowning
you will help
you will pull me out of the water
at the last moment
you will save me
but i am so terrified
of getting wet
that i am frozen in place
and thus
i can’t build the shelter
to weather the wave
or find the strength
to run
to higher ground
so i’m forced to wait
as my doom gets closer
praying that the
promised help
does indeed come
before i pre-emptively give up
because waiting
for the wave
is no way to live
and surviving it
just to see another
isn’t either
This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
medication?
more like calcification
the myopic solution
replacing anxiety
with apathy
losing focus
focusing
on what i have lost
my thoughts
circle the drain
both hope and fear
falling in turn
i am lost
a rudderless raft
left to drift
upon a dead calm lake
fog obscures the bank
fog obscures desire
i am far too calm
to stay safe
life and death
seem equally desirable
i drift
cold rationality
the last remaining
life preserver
the small subtle voice
whispering
that this too shall pass
the sun will shine
the wind will blow
and i will have purpose once more
This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
i feel like a sentence
without grammar
perfectly legible
yet nonetheless
fundamentally lacking
something
everyone else seems
to have
i feel like a poem
that lacks a rhyme
capable
of functioning
to a high degree
yet nevertheless
unappealing
to the masses
i feel like a story
that was left unfinished
interesting
but ultimately…
This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
a single blade of grass
dances in the wind
to the beat
of the ever-present moment
i sit
and listen
to the song
until nothing
but the song
remains
wind rustling
traffic rumbling
heart beating
dogs barking
birds chirping
people talking
brain thinking
eyes blinking
body breathing
mind perceiving
just sitting
just watching
just listening
just being
here
just being
now
just…
now
now
now
now
now
now
now
a wisp of smoke rising
more substantial
than rock
the knowing
the knower
and the known
are one
all labels fall away
i never was
yet
it always is
there is nothing
but the music of the ever-present moment
there is nothing
but now
freedom from form
freedom from i
spy the lie the moment i die
what’s left but now?
no one to wonder why
listen closely to the sigh
of the inner eye
as it fails to find the individual i
oh my!
don’t cry
this is all there ever was my guy
awaken
the dream is over
there is no one there to be shy
and nothing to deny
you never existed
it was all a beautiful lie
a cosmic joke
played by the eternal i
testify to the truth that words can only imply
there is nothing but now to clarify
Watch this poem on YouTube
This poem is from the book, ‘Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul’.
Read more from the colleciton, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
when pain turns to might
the blind gain sight
but try as they might
they can’t handle the light
so accustomed to darkness
truth brings fright …
rodents delight in their self created blight
reluctantly fleeing the cat’s tyrannous bite
unable to fight they turn to flight
returned to the sewers
hiding till night
then forming packs of righteous right
they write of spite and unquenched appetite
they sight the slight and ways to incite
they observe the oversight and offer an invite
then wait
for their revolution
to set the darkness alight
This poem is inspired by the book, ‘How To Write Evocative Poetry’.
You can read some chapters from the book, download a free copy, or purchase as a Paperback, eBook, Hardcover or Audiobook.
