Try Before You Die: Advice That Stopped Me Committing Suicide

 
The Mask Of Depression

An amalgamation of many discussions with suicidal friends.

Life is full of possibilities, so before making a permanent decision, give yourself the chance to try before you die - try everything you’ve ever dreamed of - you might just find a reason to stay.

I will be honest with you, there is a part of me that idealises suicide. That toys with the idea of it from time to time. It would be easy to not exist. To go to sleep and never wake up. The voices would be silenced. The pain would stop. There would be no more self-doubt. Just peace. Nothingness.

So what has stopped me?

Suicide Doesn’t End The Pain

Each time that I was close to following through, one thought kept coming to mind. It was so poignant that I couldn’t shake it.

“Suicide doesn’t end the pain; it just passes it on.”

If I were to die, my pain would be over, but yours would begin. You would inherit my sadness. You would be left wondering why. Suffering in my stead. I put myself in your shoes. I imagined you discovering my body. I imagined what you would think.

I couldn’t do it to you. I couldn’t leave you with a thousand unanswered questions, or the years of heart ache.  I couldn’t give you a lifetime of rumination and regret. I couldn’t inflict my pain upon you.

In that moment, my love for you saved me.

Then I thought of the others. I realized that this pain was mine alone and by killing myself I would just be multiplying it, spreading it to everybody that cares for me. I have heard that suicide is contagious, often impacting multiple people from families or social groups in a short period of time. I didn’t want to be the catalyst for such trauma. At the end of the day, suicide doesn’t end the pain.

But the problem was that those thoughts alone couldn’t sustain me for long. Because now, on top of everything I was already feeling, I felt guilty. I couldn’t stay, but now I also couldn’t leave. I was trapped. 

Try Everything First

In my desperation, I turned to a trusted friend for advice. I told him about my desire to end it all as well as my feelings of love and guilt stopping me.

Looking directly into my eyes he gave me the following advice:

“If you are sure you want to do it, that’s fine. I can see that what you are going through is overwhelming and that you are struggling. It would be selfish of me to tell you that you need to stay. Who am I to judge your pain? Who is anyone? Only you know what you can take.

All I ask for, is one month. Just one more month. If you follow my advice, and you still feel the same way, I understand and will even help with the process to make sure you that don’t mess it up.”

That made me curious so I decided to hear him out.

“I heard an anecdote once about suicide survivors that were interviewed after jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Apparently they all reported having the same thought on the way down as they were falling. Something along the lines of ‘Every problem in my life is fixable, besides this one’. The mind reels at how many people plummeted to their deaths regretting the decision. Now I don’t know if that is true, but there is a lesson there regardless.

Follow me on this one. If you are going to kill yourself, you are basically free right? You are now almost without consequence, because if worst comes to worst, you will just end it. You have lost nothing. So you may as well do everything you have ever wanted to do, because what have you got to lose?

So the question I ask you is: have you tried everything? Like literally everything to fix the problems in your life? No? Why not?”

A month later my friend called in for a visit. I was still alive and in a much better place. I had taken his advice.

I know that my problems are different to yours.  But my friend’s advice still holds. If you are contemplating suicide, please try everything else first. Other than your life, what have you got to lose? In my opinion, you can only gain from trying.

A Permanent Solution To A Temporary Problem

Life is full of unexpected twists, and even in the darkest moments, it’s crucial to remember that feelings are temporary, but the decision to end your life is permanent. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Before giving up, consider what you might be leaving unexplored. Is there a book you’ve always wanted to write, a country you’ve dreamed of visiting, a skill you’ve longed to learn, or even a person you’ve wanted to reconnect with?

Life may feel overwhelming now, but it also holds limitless opportunities for growth, joy, and discovery. By staying, you give yourself the chance to experience the beauty that could lie just around the corner. Take one step at a time and reach out for support, it’s worth it to see what life has in store for you.

Here are a few things that you could try before you die (please add to this list):

  • Quit your job

  • Sell your possessions and travel

  • Talk with a psychologist      

  • Ask that person out       

  • Read every book you have been meaning to         

  • Honestly ask your friends and family for support     

  • Get the divorce  

  • Go on antidepressants

  • Move house

  • Exercise

  • Meditate

Please don’t make a permanent decision based on a temporary problem. Remember, no matter how hard life feels right now, there’s always hope, and the future can hold brighter moments if you give yourself the chance to see them.

Is Committing Suicide Selfish?

The idea of suicide being selfish often arises from a place of misunderstanding about the intense emotional and psychological pain that leads someone to contemplate it. Is committing suicide selfish isn’t the best question we can ask. We can reframe the way we think about it.

While it can feel like an abandonment of loved ones, it’s important to remember that people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide are often trapped in a cycle of hopelessness, unable to see any way out of their pain.

Instead of viewing it as selfish, we should approach the situation with empathy, offering support, care, and understanding to help break through that darkness. For ourselves and our loved ones.

When someone is contemplating suicide, it’s often because they feel disconnected, overwhelmed, and unable to cope with the weight of their emotions or circumstances. In these moments, the person may perceive their pain as insurmountable and may even feel like they are a burden to others.

This is where the misunderstanding of selfishness arises. The idea of selfishness implies an intentional disregard for others, but in reality, someone in this emotional state is not thinking clearly or rationally about how their actions will affect those around them.

When someone is contemplating suicide, they often reach a point where they believe that ending their life is the best solution for everyone involved. In their mind, they may feel like they are sparing their loved ones from the burden of their pain or that their absence will somehow make things easier for those around them. This is a tragic misconception born from deep despair.

They may not be able to see that, in reality, their absence would leave a lasting impact on the people who care about them - those who would be left to grieve, question, and feel the void. The belief that suicide is an act of helping others comes from a place of emotional exhaustion, not selfishness. It’s critical for those in this situation to receive support to break free from this distorted thinking and to be reminded that their life has value far beyond what they may feel in their darkest moments.

What’s truly needed is compassion and support to help that person reconnect with their worth and the possibility of healing. Instead of judging or labelling, we should be focusing on creating safe spaces for them to express their feelings and seek help.

Suicide prevention is not just about offering solutions; it’s about showing the individual that they are not alone and that their life has value, even when they can't see it for themselves.

When we offer empathy, understanding, and encouragement, we create the possibility for recovery and a renewed sense of hope.


If this post has resonated with you, I would love your support.



 

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Zachary Phillips

Zachary Phillips is an intuitive coach and counselor. He helps entrepreneurs, spiritualists, and survivors navigate dark nights of the soul and find peace, helping them take themselves from surviving to passionately thriving using tips, tools, and techniques that enable them to process the past, accept the present, and embrace the future with positivity and purpose. He is a qualified teacher, meditation instructor, personal trainer, Reiki master, and is currently studying a Master of Counseling.

https://www.zachary-phillips.com/#about
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